Since his sinister adviser Dominic Cummings has gone, Boris Johnson's buffoonery has been allowed to romp unchecked. Numerous incidents in recent days have raised alarm among the PM's handlers.
First, he posted a photo of his testes on Twitter, mistakenly believing he was sending them to his girlfriend. The disturbing picture of his red and hairy sack bore the caption, "Look how sore my plums are now, Princess Nutnut."
Then yesterday, he predictably agreed to a deal with the EU, making a final U-turn on all of his earlier Brexit-related promises, angering many Tory allies.
But perhaps strangest of all, today he asked members of the British public to come up with a new password for his secret Prime Ministerial email account. According to a press release made by the PM himself, the account was managed by Cummings, and Boris has not been able to access it since he left. So far, the PM has been refused entry until he can come up with a more secure password than "tits" or "jugs".
"The people of this country are used to writing passwords," he said. "I don't trust my advisers, they'd probably read my emails themselves. But I trust the people."
The PM then gave suggestions as to what would help him remember the key. "I'd like something a bit saucy, like Latin for tits - which I think is milquim - but I'd probably forget that. I'll be honest, I don't really speak Latin, I just know how to make the noises of it so that I sound clever enough to pick up totty."
The password must be at least ten letters long and contain a number, a non-alphabetical character and a combination of lower and upper case characters.
Johnson admitted that he had racked his brain to think of a good one, but the best he could come up with was "Borislikestits69!"'l
