ATLANTA – (Sports Satire) – Sports Territory Magazine recently took a poll, and asked readers to choose their 'ugliest football stadium in the NFL'.
STM writer Hiawatha Pamplona said that the overwhelming winner was Mercedes-Benz Stadium, home to the Atlanta Falcons, who are (1-6).
One reader said that watching a game at Mer-Benz makes him dizzy-as-hell. He wanted to know who thought that the idea to alternate every 10 yards with an alternating dark green, light green color scheme was a good idea.
Another reader, a lifelong Falcons fan, said that he is a recovering heroin and cocaine addict, and cannot watch the games because it gives him the urge to go out and 'score'.
Arthur Blank, 78, the owner of the Falcons, said, upon hearing the results of the ugliest football stadium poll, “Look, I don’t give diddly-squat what diddly-squatters think. Me and my sultry-as-heck, 19-year-old girlfriend, Staci “Nipples” Nippaletti, think it’s a pretty playing field.”
He added “Nipples”, herself, picked the alternating green color scheme.
Pamplona asked him if “Nipples” was on drugs at the time.
Blank turned as white as Nicole Kidman, and did not answer. He quickly left, saying he was overdue for a BM (bowel movement).