OAKLAND – (Sports Satire) – The entire Golden State Warriors organization is devastated, as team doctors have just announced that superstar Klay Thompson will be out for the entire season.
Team physician Dr. Murray Bellacappela told the sports media that Klay’s body is at 87%, but he is still having problems with the Flickabulina virus.
Thompson first contacted the bug while visiting Herzegovina last August.
The minute bug, which is chartreuse in color, hibernates in human bellies, and lays eggs, which lay more eggs, and pretty soon the belly turns into a 20-story hotel for Flickabulinian mites.
A reporter with The Turnstile Review asked Dr. Bellacappela, just how many Flickabulinian mites Thompson has in his body.
The doctor paused for a second, and, after using a calculator, revealed that Klay has at least 18 million of the Flickas, as they are generally referred to.
When asked what Klay is being given to fight off these little effers, the doctor replied, "nothing at the moment."
He then stated that the team's medical office would soon be receiving a shipment of Midnight Blue Rice from Thailand, which has shown some success when mixed with Cocoa Pebbles breakfast cereal and Southern Comfort Whiskey.