HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) – Houston Astros fans are ready to tar and feather one Senator Benjamin “The Ass” Sasse.
The senator from Nebraska, during the Judge Amy Barrett senate hearing, out of the blue, mentioned that the Houston Astros are cheaters who steal signs, cork bats, and spit on balls, baseballs.
Sasse has infuriated millions of Astros fans including Texan natives such as Willie Nelson, Shaquille O'Neal, George Strait, and rapper, Yo Yo Afro Woke.
The senator from Nebraska has now become the most hated man in the entire sports-addicted state of Texas, even surpassing the extremely hated Governor Greg “The Dickhead” Abbott.
Houston Astros fans have said that if Sasse ever sets foot on Texas soil, they’ll bubble-wrap his ass, and toss him into the Red River.
Texas’ professional teams like the Dallas Cowboys, the Houston Texans, the San Antonio Spurs, the Texas Rangers, and the Dallas Mavericks have all said that Senator Benjamin Sasse should resign.
The Corpus Christi Expounder Journal is reporting that tens of thousands of anti-Sasse bumper stickers will be distributed at the next Dallas Cowboys and Houston Texans NFL games.