DALLAS – (Sports Satire) – The Dallas Cowboys started the game looking more like the Dallas Cowgirls as they fumbled, jumbled, and stumbled as if they were playing on ice.
Jerry Jones’ Cowboys acted as if the ball was covered with 30 weight motor oil.
Early on, the Dallas players, coaches, and cheerleaders could hear a lot of the 21,713 Dallas fans in the stands, turning into the dreaded ‘Boo Birds.’
One running back fumbled the ball, which ended up hitting one of the blonde blue-eyed Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders in her pubic region.
She was knocked to the ground, and a referee time-out was called. A dentist checked her out, and he said that her pap smear showed that everything was normal.
Jones sat in his multi-million dollar stadium private lounge surrounded by his wife, his daughter, two sons, Governor Chris Christie, Sofia Vergara, three cardboard cut-outs, and rapper Black Kitty Meow Meow.
With the ‘Boys’ down by 20 points early in the game, a security guard said he could hear Jones through the door cussing in English, German, Norwegian, Spanish, and Mescalero Apache.
But after Black Kitty Meow Meow rubbed Governor Christie’s belly, things suddenly began going in favor of the Cowboys.
The Atlanta Falcons started playing badly, as if they had been threatened by the mafia boss of Brooklyn’s infamous Goombalini crime family, Salvatore Goombalini.
Cowboy kicker Greg “Goldfoot” Zuerlein, ended up kicking a game-winning 74-yard field goal with .1 seconds remaining on the clock.
And so in one of the greatest come-from-behind games in Cowboys history, Jerry and “America’s Team” beat the Atlanta Falcons 40-39.