GILLETTE, Massachusetts – (Sports Satire) – Reports filtering out of the Patriots camp say that Cam Newton will be placed on the injured reserve list.
The flamboyant quarterback is reportedly suffering from what is described as a form of the Caribbean Jaw Ouchies.
Newton thinks that he may have developed the painful jaw cramps from eating clam chowder that was tainted with infected seaweed.
Meanwhile, Coach Bill Belichick expressed some second-degree concern that, with Newton out, the whole spectrum of his game strategy will be changing.
Belichick pointed out that he will how have to rely a lot more on kicker Nick “The Slick” Folk.
The coach, who never smiles, expressed to Telemundo Sports that now more than ever, he and his team will really miss not having fans in the stands.
He said that cardboard cutouts of fans look nice, but they don’t fire up the troops and get their football libido stirring.
Belichick is 68, but he told the Bravo Network’s Andy Cohen, that with Cam out he is feeling like he’s 88.