(UNEDITED) Liverpool FC manager, Juergen Klopp, has a dilemma after winning the Premier League title with his team for the first time in 30 years. Drunk and disorderly after a binge-booze party with his players suddenly had a brilliant idea to ask someone who was once a serial winner for Liverpool's most hated rivals, Manchester United, Sir Alex Ferguson. how he can become a serial winner too.
Sir Alex, lying in his retirement bed after swigging a 'wee dram', or 10, of finest Scotch Whisky with his mate, Denis Law, and dreaming of past duels stuffing Liverpool annually, was suddenly awakened by a strange German accent on the phone. Initially he thought it was a drunken, Stefan Effenberg, who has never forgiven United for stuffing Bayern Munich in the final seconds of a Champions League final, and has stalked Sir Alex ever since!
"Fuck off you pissed Kraut, we beat you mob fairly, so leave me alone laddie otherwise I'll send Roy Keane over to 'bite your fucking legs'!"
"No, Sir Alex, it's me Klopp!"
"Who the fuck is Klopp laddie? You sound like that pissed Bayern drunkard Effenberg!"
"Liverpool manager Sir Alex, and I just wanted to ask you how the hell can I become a serial winner like you?"
"Do you know what time it is laddie? I fucking don't, so go and ask Arsene Wenger, he's a big time loser too!"
"OK, Sir Alex, thanks for your advice, but I just won the title with Liverpool after 30 years, so I am not a loser!"
"Who the fuck is Liverpool? Oh, that bunch of heathens down the road who I used to steamroll, and not alone, and BTW, if I hear that fucking tune again Laddie, I'll personally come to your shite town and let Roy Keane loose, now fuck off!"
JÜrgen Klopp, crapping in his pants with his false teeth chattering after receiving Sir Alex's 'hairdryer treatment', realised what a fatal mistake it is comparing rivalry between United and Liverpool, and Schalke 04 versus his beloved BVB Dortmund; The German version is pussy 'throwing handbags at 3 paces!' United v Liverpool is WW3!