NASCAR Bans the Confederate Flag – Fans Are Fit-to-Be-Tied

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Saturday, 13 June 2020

image for NASCAR Bans the Confederate Flag – Fans Are Fit-to-Be-Tied
Betsy Ross sewed the first United States flag and Gretchen "Grits" Butterwood sewed the first Confederate flag.

DAYTONA BEACH, Florida – There has never been a bigger change in the 72-year history of NASCAR than the change that has just taken place.

The change came about after written complaints, which were initiated by NASCAR driver, Bubba Wallace, who happens to be an African-American.

NASCAR President, Steven Phelps, has just stated that, as of now, Confederate flags will be banned from all NASCAR race tracks.

The ban also pertains to shirts, caps, women’s Daisy Duke short shorts and even tattoos.

Anyone caught wearing a Confederate flag anywhere on their body will first be strip-searched for other Dixie flags, and then he or she will be removed from the NASCAR property.

NASCAR adds that the violators will also have their Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer confiscated, along with their cornbread, black-eyed peas, and barbecued rib sandwiches.

Long-time NASCAR fans, Earl Bob and Bobbi Jo Pearlbutton, of Fort Walton Beach, Florida, remarked that they are both fit-to-be-tied, and are going to show up wearing the Stars & Bars, the name that the flag is officially known by.

Earl Bob said that he will be wearing his Confederate flag cap, and his hot, sultry-as-hell wife will be wearing her Confederate flag string bikini panties under her extremely short blue jeans skirt.

Turnstile Review Magazine is reporting that thousands of NASCAR fans now say that they will never ever set foot on a NASCAR race track again, even if they give away free tickets to a concert by the Oak Ridge Boys, Loretta Lynn, or Charlie Daniels.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more