Darts Farts Crackdown

Funny story written by Paxton Quigley

Friday, 23 November 2018

image for Darts Farts Crackdown
"One hundred and eeeiiightyyy....cough!"

The air turned nasty last week when Scottish darts double world champion Gary Anderson and Dutch opponent Wesley Harms both denied responsibility for creating "rotten egg smells" on the oche.

Following his defeat by Anderson 10-2 at the Grand Slam of Darts in Wolverhampton on Thursday, Harms kicked up a stink, accusing the Scot of leaving a "fragrant smell" and told Dutch TV "It'll take me two nights to lose this smell from my nose." (Perhaps as a Dutch person, he doesn't understand the meaning of "fragrant".)

While the Darts Regulation Authority has the power to fine or suspend players guilty of gamesmanship or a lack of professionalism, The Spoof is currently unaware of any investigation into "Fartgate".

"We've got to get to the bottom of this," joked Professional Darts Corporation (PDC) chairman Barry Hearn, saying the controversy was "unique" in his experience of professional darts. "I guess people wonder if blowing off might constitute advanced gamesmanship. Something doesn't smell right. There is nothing worse than a silent fart and it's certainly a risk to the environment. This could run and run."

On being told of the accusation, World number four Anderson let rip saying the smell had definitely come "from the table side" at the Aldersley Leisure Village.

"If the boy thinks I've farted he's 1,010% wrong," he told The Sun "I swear on my children's lives that it was not my fault."

The Spoof asked for a comment from Magrathean planet designer, Slartibartfart, of Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy fame. He was less than pleased.

"I am sick to death of you people at The Spoof misspelling my name. You're doing it on purpose. It's SlartibartFAST not fart."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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