Climate change "will not affect Scotland"

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Wednesday, 10 October 2018

image for Climate change "will not affect Scotland"
Rain again - it must be quarter past

Scotland is known for its dark winters, cool summers and a constant drizzle which ensures that nobody in the country has ever tasted a dry chip. In the UN's latest climate change report, it predicts that nothing will change.

The report says that a global average rise of 2 degrees is almost inevitable. The Mediterranean will suffer more heatwaves, Scandinavia more forest fires, and the Arctic ice may melt. But according to the most accurate climate change models, Scotland will remain cold and soggy.

Meteorologist Geoff McLeod of Glasgow said, "We like to say that the neverending rain is just God's pish. It's like he's marking his territory. Maybe that pish will get a bit warmer but it's no going to stop."

Environmentalists were also pleased about the news. Geoffetta Tree of Treehuggers Anonymous said, "At least we'll no have to worry about losing any of our indigenous wildlife. Just a couple of degrees warmer and the midges would disappear, but they're here to stay."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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