There has always been a concern that there's more drugs in Russian athletes than in most 60s rock bands. After more Russian athletes were banned from competing in the Rio Olympics we caught up with our good friend Vald Putin to see what he had to say on the matter.
Unfortunately due to the fact if we set foot in Russia (ironic really because it was feet that got us into this mess in the first place) we will be arrested we had to use a alternative interview technique. So we quickly found a press conference, watched it, then put in our own journalistic responses. This is what we like to call "cutting edge" journalism...or is that something you do with scissors?
Big Vlad said: There has been a deliberate campaign targeting our athletes.
He was correct of course. The Russian government had been very compliant in helping set up a mass cheating program using drugs. But we weren't sure how this was helping his cause.
The Steely Eyed One went on to say the games would be "less of a spectacle"
True enough. But then again watching the 5000m is boring as hell anyway. Maybe he was referring to the side effects from the drugs he was pumping into his athletes finally coming through. Perhaps the javelin thrower was about to sprout a crocodile head.
He went on to fire more nonsense out of his gob by saying: The other sportsmen understand that the quality of their medals will be different.
Only if the price of gold drops because of a massive Die Hard 3 style theft.
So far 108 Russian athletes have been banned with many more surprised that they haven't. One spoke to use anonymously via a translator saying: I can't believe were getting away with this! Fuck me I'm high right now!