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Funny satire stories about performance enhancing drugs

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Funny story: Froomes Zoom Juice

Froomes Zoom Juice

Chris Froome will be allowed to race in the Tour De France after all doping charges against him were dropped. Prosecutors said: "No one fucking watches cycling anyway so who cares?" The four time Tour winner has been under investigation for 7 m...

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Funny story: The Hyperdermic Olympics

The Hyperdermic Olympics

There has always been a concern that there's more drugs in Russian athletes than in most 60s rock bands. After more Russian athletes were banned from competing in the Rio Olympics we caught up with our good friend Vald Putin to see what he had to say...

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Funny story: Sharapova Drugs Scandal: Hotel Carpet Hits Back After Slur

Sharapova Drugs Scandal: Hotel Carpet Hits Back After Slur

The assembled press came to see one loser as Maria Sharapova admitted taking the recently banned substance Meldonium. But there was another one on show: an innocent carpet, left bruised and with its shag swept against the natural lay. As she offer...

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Funny story: Snowden Reveals Secret to Understanding Alien Communications To Earth

Snowden Reveals Secret to Understanding Alien Communications To Earth

US government whistle-blower Edward Snowden believes they're aliens species in the universe. Snowden said, "They're trying to communicate with us. But we just don't understand them. " Snowden has an answer for researchers, scientists and amateur...

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Funny story: One's Horses Achieve An All Time High

One's Horses Achieve An All Time High

Despite Estimate, one of HRH Queen Elizabeth's horses accidentally getting contaminated food in its nosh bag, this year has seen many high points for the Queen's horses, the Palace said this morning. "Some of the horses that her nags mix with though,...

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Funny story: Fair Play Dead: Women's Curling Team Fail Drugs Test

Fair Play Dead: Women's Curling Team Fail Drugs Test

Fair play has officially taken its final breath and soiled its pants as the entire Canadian curling team had their Winter Olympics Gold medals revoked this morning, after testing positive for steroid abuse amongst other banned substances. Drug use...

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Funny story: Justin Bieber Addresses The Performance Enhancing Drugs Rumors

Justin Bieber Addresses The Performance Enhancing Drugs Rumors

LOS ANGELES - Justin Bieber flew into Los Angeles to visit his mother Pattie Mallette who is presently staying at The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic. As he left the building he was approached by a reporter with Hollywood Innuendo. The repo...

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Funny story: Speculation On How Bobsledder Lolo Jones Manages Daily 9000 Calorie Diet Olympic Committee Examining Stance On Athlete Marijuana Use

Speculation On How Bobsledder Lolo Jones Manages Daily 9000 Calorie Diet Olympic Committee Examining Stance On Athlete Marijuana Use

Olympic officials have been asking themselves if Marijuana should be outright banned for all athletes who plan to participate in the Olympic games, now that it has become more accepted and legal in certain parts of the world. Speculation has risen...

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Funny story: Major League Baseball Will Start Testing Umpires For Performance Enhancing Drugs in 2014

Major League Baseball Will Start Testing Umpires For Performance Enhancing Drugs in 2014

NEW YORK CITY - The Major League Baseball Coalition on Drug Testing has just informed all MLB umpires that in 2014, before the start of the preseason they will be tested for PEB's. A representative with the MLBCDT Harrison Blittkinboro, 51, told t...

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Funny story: Major League Baseball Mascot Reprimanded For Failing Performance Enhancing Drug Test

Major League Baseball Mascot Reprimanded For Failing Performance Enhancing Drug Test

NEW YORK CITY - The Performance Enhancing Drug Scandal is really getting out of hand and it has now reached a new level or rather depth. Major League Baseball has just announced that one of the team mascots has tested positive for performance enha...

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Funny story: Major League Baseball May Start Prosecuting PED Violators

Major League Baseball May Start Prosecuting PED Violators

NEW YORK CITY - Major League Baseball is embarrassed at the black eye that it has received due to some of its players using performance enhancing drugs in order to gain an unfair advantage in the country's national pastime. Monroe "Knuckleball" Sa...

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Funny story: Ryan Braun of The Milwaukee Brewers Says He Now Recalls Having Taken PED's

Ryan Braun of The Milwaukee Brewers Says He Now Recalls Having Taken PED's

MILWAUKEE - Milwaukee Brewers' Ryan Braun who was suspended for 65 games and swore that he never took performance enhancing drugs has just changed his tune. The Brewers outfielder told Sporting Chance Magazine's Hercules Confetti that he now seems...

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Funny story: A-Rod Is Invited To Join José Canseco, Sammy Sosa, and Barry Bonds For Friday Night Cards

A-Rod Is Invited To Join José Canseco, Sammy Sosa, and Barry Bonds For Friday Night Cards

MIAMI - Former Major League Baseball player José Canseco has reportedly called up suspended New York Yankees player Alex Rodriguez. Canseco who was found to have used steroids during his playing days decided to call up A-Rod and invite him to join...

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Funny story: MLB Bans Sunflower Seeds: Create Competitive Advantage By Lowering Cholesterol

MLB Bans Sunflower Seeds: Create Competitive Advantage By Lowering Cholesterol

"This game has no place for chewers, spitters, and cheaters..." With those words, Major League Baseball Commissioner, Bud Selig lowered the gavel on sunflower seeds in big league dugouts. MLB and the Players Association came to the agreement late...

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Funny story: Baseball's All-Stars Cancel Steroid Game

Baseball's All-Stars Cancel Steroid Game

Citi Field, New York -- Major League Baseball has canceled its newest All-Star attraction. Called the Steroid Juice-Off, the event would have showcased how Performance-Enhancing Drugs turn ordinary mooks into muscle-bound Babe Ruth's. "We thoug...

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Funny story: US legal system seduced by 'Armstrong Appeal'

US legal system seduced by 'Armstrong Appeal'

The recent heart-warming words of Lance Armstrong have inspired a wave of appeals from prisoners on Death Row in America to commute their sentences to a 'life-time ban from competitive cycling'. US legal experts are said to be scratching their he...

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Funny story: Armstrong denies using Apology Enhancing Drugs

Armstrong denies using Apology Enhancing Drugs

Lance Armstrong has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show to apologise for his performance enhancing drug use over seven seperate Tour de France titles. However he has since denied rumours that he was under the influence of drugs to make the apology.

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