Local Man Enters 10th Year W/O Watching Any Reality Shows
"In this neighborhood, there's a lot more to watch out the window with these binoculars. Whoops! Gotta go! Police have lights flashing!"
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Phone Sex Surprise
Male Callers don't recognize high sexy voice of 420-pound male Sumo wrestler with high voice after accident during fight.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Kansas City Doctor Quits, Becomes Carpenter
"Before, all those ObamaCare drove away patients. Now, as a carpenter, they're coming out of the woodworks."
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Lama Mia!!
Distraught Dali Lama guns down seventeen monks for staring at him without talking for 24 hours.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
New York Women Say They Are Tired
New York Women Tiring of Antony Weiner's "Weiner's My Name, Weiner's My Game" Pickup Line!
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Mitch McConnell, Ky. Senator Rushed to Hospital
Hospital spokes says McConnell needs a facemaker installed as soon as possible.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Replay shows swimmer's package
"We must stop all these stop-action and replays when accidentally displays him/herself", states Antony Weiner. "Disgusting!..wait a minute. Here comes another replay."
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Romney: You Noticed No One Asked For My Birth Certificate
Former Presidential candidate has Mormon records of his family back to Adam.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Germany Nixes Surveillance Pact With US, Britain
Warns Poland to watch their step or we might be there on the top one!
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Felons, fake patients revealed in rehab clinics
Rehabs collected money from Medicaid for non-existing clients. "See, they're a bigger crook than I am", says Lindsay Lohan.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Restaurant chain says salad linked to virus no longer served
"Patrons disappointed say Red Lobster and Olive Garden, because they can no longer sue."
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Kerry: Egypt's 'Military Did Not Take Over'.
Then where is their leader and why is there a new man in charge? Oh, he misspoke? They do that a lot.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
INTERPOL Issues Warning Over Prison Breaks.
It's about time. About 1500 have escaped during the past two weeks!
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
New Acetaminophen Warning: Why Now?
FDA says it should have listed side-effect of sudden death to some, especially if pill goes down windpipe.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Conservatives Challenge McConnell!
Conservatives Challenge McConnell to Defund Obamacare: 'If You Fund It, You Own It', "It takes one to know one!", "He who smelt it, dealt it!"
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Mystery surrounds dolphin deaths along East Coast
Agent Edgar Allen Porpoise assigned to lead the investigation.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Cities Offer Thrill-Seekers Chance to Run With Bulls
First up, New York City! Next week's Run With Bulls event to occur in front of Wall Street!
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Lady Driver Claims Husband Caused Wreck
"My brakes on the driver's side kept it from being worse but all HE could do was stomp the floor like crazy! Stupid air bag. Is my face flat?"
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Air Force Now Has Drone Size of Head of a Pin!
Let's just hope some Pin-Head doesn't get a hold of one.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
High-Flying Wisconsin Air Show Reeling From Cuts
Now cut down to flying squirrels, short speech by Capt. Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger and tethered lawn chair helium balloon flights.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Al Qaeda Threat 'Very Specific'
CIA gives list of over 20 embassies closed! Great! Now they know which ones are the most guarded!
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Death in New Mexico Over Who Kept Remote
Nearly one-thousandth report of Remote Control murder in the past year. Now 5th leading cause of death after Heart Disease, Cancer, Infections at Hospitals, Auto Accidents.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
North Korean's Speech Noted
North Korea's leader, Kim Jong Un, gives long speech to wildly cheering audience about Wiley Coyote and Roadrunner, has note in hand clearly interpreted "North Good, South Bad!"
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Children's Channel Hacked
Lots of calls from parents when SpongeBob No Pants and SpongBob Pointy Pants suddenly appear on the air.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Lindsey Lohan got out of rehab, and she wants to move to New York City.
Pope Francis: Lookout NYC drivers! But "Who am I to judge?"
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Surgery at hands of robot?
"We will now remove the scrotum!" "What?" "You can't do that!" "Just humor..har dee har!"
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Most appalling reality TV shows
"Who Will Kiss This Horses Ass?", "Who Can Eat The Most Roadkill?", "Who Will French Kiss Rush Limbaugh?", "Fire-Ant Hill Sitting!"
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
See who shares Obama's birthday
Benedict Arnold, Jane Fonda, Tokyo Rose, Mati Hari and Judas Iscariot!
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Illness breakout tied to food chains
And not to bicycle chains as previously reported on MSNBC!
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Some US Embassies closed all weekend due to terrorist thrests
Guy leaving Yemen Embassy's "Today is a good day to die" in Worf voice, kicked in the nuggets.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Fugitive Snowden left for secure location: lawyer
"He's in Siberia, well-known for being hit by asteroids."
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Midnight weddings as two U.S. states legalize gay marriage
Attorneys rubbing hands together in glee as "some of these guys have hundreds of partners over time. Think of the divorce money!"
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
George Zimmerman May Be Changing name in Mexico
NSA: It is now, "Speedy Gonzales"....looks like we been hacked again.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Your NSA Money At Work
George Zimmerman armed during recent dump in port-o-potty.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
U.S. judge denies class certification sought by women suing Wal-Mart
"WalMart has deep pockets", says attorney representing group of women suing WalMart. (Ladies, check the WalMart pockets for your attorneys).
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Sparring Chris Christie, Rand Paul draw GOP voters to their corners
Christie: Paul Rand is the pork barrel of politics! Paul: Christie is the Pork Belly of politics!
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Once rare stomach illness becoming more widespread
"The Trots" once thought totally Wiped Out, are back with a vengeance!
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
More Horse Meat Found in Europe.
Police in Poland say the family became suspicious when pizza delivered itself!
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
German boy finds 'mummy' in attic
Turns out to be Norman Bates mother again! When will they ever give her a decent burial?
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
College Experiment With Monkeys
Study proves monkeys in a barrel are one big crappy mess! No fun at all!
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Undisclosed Location
Hacked NSA report states that Bill Clinton's "Undisclosed Location" was usually a Hooters in near-by Maryland.
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
Transylvania On Lookout For Vampires
"Notice if their hair is a mess", says Police officer. "They can't see themselves in the mirror!"
written by Bureau, 03 August 2013
