Kate Middleton Takes Dump
Stinks up the bathroom; Prince William and baby George flee the country.
written by Chad Averman, 27 August 2013
New Sooper-Dooper WalMarts on the Way
You'll have to learn to use a fork lift but our guides can help you through the aisles. Stock up or buy for the whole family and you'll save up to 25% or more!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
I Think I Got The Wrong Junk Mail
How would you, I.M. Moleturd, like to add two full inches to your Prostate? There are 5 early signs that your swollen or enlarged penis- know these signs before it's too late. You will be amazed!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Russian police seize painting of Putin in women's underwear
Now everybody's asking, What are the Russian police doing wearing women's underwear?
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
US home prices rise in June
Now all we need is for somebody to be able to buy one of them.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Kerry: U.S. will respond to 'moral obscenity' of Syria massacre
"But Bush was wrong in attacking Iraq after over 2,000 Americans killed in twin towers."
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
White House says U.S. must respond to chemical attack in Syria
According to White House Secretary. "There's just no other choice......he may not? The President Must try to find a peaceful solution! He is?"
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
N.J. Man Claims Share of $448M Powerball Jackpot
"Should just about pay my taxes", says Bruce Springsteen!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Justin Bieber Injured
After asking young lady to take a firm grip on his bicep!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
President Obama Serious About Syria
"Every President needs to win at least one war! Anybody remember Jimmy Carter?"
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
W. Va. Man Pleads Guilty of Killing Rare Fox
"It was eating a very rare plant and I panicked!"
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Ky. students to first lady Michelle Obama: Your food 'tastes like vomit'
"We want Kentucky Fried Chicken, sweet potato pie! Stuff like your husband eats."
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
CA Bill Would Allow Non-Physicians To Perform Abortions
Plenty of Free Space in back alleys and empty buildings!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
CA wants to tax little league baseball, Boy Scouts
Little Girl Beauty Contests, Swimsuit Competitions, Next Years Academy Awards, Bums on benches (Check pockets, shoes), New Year's Parade!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Obama: MLK Would Have Backed Obamacare
Black Leader: Don't talk about a man after he's gone. MLK would never be playing golf while the world went out of control.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Schools dump federal lunch program #2
"Fed lunch may have been better nutrition wise but not if they just dump it! Better some nutrition than none", say school principals.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Schools dump federal lunch program.
Not a good day for the Obamas!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Obama's War #2
Kerry: I just hope a random bomb doesn't hit chemical storage!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Obama's War?
Putin Says West Acting Like 'Monkey With Hand Grenade'. 'Hyena without a sense of humor!' 'Gorilla in a luggage commercial!' "George Bush and his Daddy"! OK OK We Get IT!!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Update: E.T. Movie Plot Changed
In the original, E.T. died and Drew Barrymore is told at the end, "E.T. is gone. He's finally Home".
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Obama Finally Comments on 2012 Benghazi Attack
"I was the victim of faulty intelligence. You got that? I was the victim!"
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Monkey Barrel 2013 Almost Here
This year there will be more monkeys than ever and, get this, They Will Be Using Rubber crutches!!!!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
People in Liechtenstein Impressed
Kelsey Grammer a great actor. Play two shows a week on our televisions. Made up to look older in one.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Why Barry Sanders quit the NFL
"Too many broken bones and illegal drugs. Also, too many 400-pound defensive players on both sides of the line! Running into sumo-wrestlers not a lot of fun."
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
After 36 Years, Voyager 2 Still Moving Through Space
Last Message received: "WOW! Never seen that before! Of course, I've said that over 100 times already!"
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Yo-yo dieter now 177 pounds lighter!
"Now come the fun part where I hit the chocolate, cookies and milk shakes!"
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Admit it, you're not ready for disaster
Few are. If banks close, no gas, etc you can have all the food and water put aside you like but where are 75% of us going to get drugs for blood pressure, etc?
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
News From Tennessee
Local man with one eye and half-sense wins $10,000,000 state lottery!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
No charges for boy who shot grandma
"Dad said we would have gotten the ten million eventually anyway!"
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Teen wakes to wolf biting his head
"I guess he could have chosen a worse place on my body to have a snack."
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Local Proctologist Says He KnowsHe's Being Used!
"I need the money. Plus, what's wrong with giving a client an extra thrill?"
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Costumed Super Hero With huge Ass, Identified
"It was Plastic Man", says Jimmy Olson. "He had sat in the sun too long."
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Government Warning: Some GPA Systems Being Hacked!
"Hello Handsome! Ever 'go down' the Elm tree Lane to the last house on the right?"
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Book Club Breaks up!
"Whatever book we were supposed to discuss always gets waylaid by a discussion of an episode of Reality TV, says one irate organizer! I don't think some of them ever read the book."
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Is Coke's 127-year-old recipe the same? Not quite
Cola made using corn syrup since 1980s does NOT taste like the ones with sugar. Coke drinkers have gone to Mexican Coke wherever possible, which still uses sugar.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Taliban execute six Afghan development workers
Why kill people trying to help country? "We hadn't got to kill people in several weeks", says one, who was immediately shot by the others.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Billie Jean King's 'Battle of the Sexes' Win Reportedly Rigged
Professional Wrestling Association say they are appalled!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Out of Control Crones Crashes Into Crowd
I'm sorry. That should have read "Out of control drone crashes into crowd!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Also, She Breathed More Than Her Share of oxygen!
REPORT: Christian woman faces hanging in Pakistan over sip of water.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Wildfire Threatens San Francisco's Water
Whole Pacific Ocean could go up in flames at any time!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Having Obama For President Has Certainly Calmed Things Down
Black man attacks elderly white male, tells him he 'shouldn't be in his park'...SC restaurant refused to seat black patrons.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
I thought it was termed "Hate Crime".
COPS: Black teen girls assault white woman; charged with 'ethnic intimidation'.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
'Homeland Security' employee behind racist website placed on PAID leave
Others say they may try it too as they could also use a paid vacation.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Russia, China Ask that there be no strike on Syria
But request complete secrecy about withdrawing any secret attacks.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Western powers tell rebels expect strike 'within days'
Please be sure that this is kept secret as it will be a surprise attack!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Apple will unveil iWatch next week
The new iWatch will be launched on September 3, one day prior to the release of Samsung's new smartwatch and a full four months ahead of Microsoft's upcoming ankle smartwatch, the Sockphone.
written by Moose, 27 August 2013
New York Attorney General Sues Donald Trump
New York's attorney general, Eric Schneiderman, sued Donald Trump for $63 million Monday, saying the real estate mogul violated New York's law that prevents citizens from hiding their face in public.
written by Moose, 27 August 2013
UFO Spotters say they saw round object hover over Miami
"It's just another 'pie in the sky' they are always seeing up there", says police officer.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
New Restaurant Fails After First Day in Arkansas
"I thought 'Pooters' was a good idea for a fun place but people took the name too seriously", says owner.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Time Machine Appears in Central Park
Passengers point at Donald Trump, everyone laughs and they're off again.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Panda Panic Over
A Panda reportedly seen by several people in New York City turns out to be old police car!
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
Yosemite fire burns Chicago-size area
But somehow misses the city. "That was a close one", says Mayor Daley.
written by Bureau, 27 August 2013
