Jackson Was On 50,000 A Week
That's a lot of pills.
I Declined This Job Offer
To be the Motivational Director of our local hospice.
written by tlmedia, 29 June 2009
Trying To Get A Move On
A seventy-six year old Florida man and his dad both injured today in a fight over who kept the keys to the Rascal.
Another Surfer Gone!
Al Gore predictions of global warming are still being mocked by many, even though a third surfer in Florida has died from an attack from a polar bear from northern ice floe.
Good News From Cromwell
A report out of Cromwell, Kentucky that a Purdue chicken plucker there, who got sick at work, does NOT have the Chicken Flu! Just major depression.
Many are asking, where are all the Amway Sales Visionaries of the new century. Well, some are...mostly managers.
The London Loonybird?
Unknown killer still walking the streets of London, awaiting for the the newspapers to give him a name.
New Fundraiser Ads
New television ads by Sally Struthers: Remember, only $20 will feed this beautiful model for a month!
Some Lions Apparently Successful
Lions form prides to defend territory against other lions, not to improve their hunting success, a study reveals. Still, Detroit 0-8 at home, same as on the road last season.
Falls Tied To Canes, Walkers
47,000 elderly falls in US tied to canes, walkers. Safety spokesperson says canes and walkers should NEVER be tied.
'Transformers' possibly the worst-reviewed hit movie and a $400 million hit, may transform reviews from now on.
Ailing California Economy!
Ailing California economy could prolong whole US recession for years, eventually become America's "West Bank"
The Final Proof
Iran says partial recount shows election valid as seven out of ten samples pulled at random out of Ahdmadinejad's hat voted for him.
Obama Nose Out Of Joint
Obama says Honduran ouster was 'not legal'. New leader will have to go back and take over country all over again, this time legally.
Today's Ugliest Dog
A prominent under-bite, scrunched face and floppy ears are the hallmarks of a winner. The winner of the World's Ugliest Dog contest, Pabst, takes the Blue Ribbon!
Cheerleading: Most Dangerous Sport
Cheerleading, the most dangerous sport, lost still another one yesterday as Western Kentucky's "Big Red" was trampled & gored by a bull.
Kim Photo Could Be Faked
June photo of North Korea's Kim may be recycled. For one thing, he looks several years younger and you catch a glimpse of President Jimmy Carter nearby.
Billy Mays Autopsy Planned
Autopsy planned for TV pitchman Billy Mays, the OxiClean guy but several fear it was from getting high on ingredients.
Enjoy The Earth While You Can
Bernie Madoff gets maximum 150 years in prison. Says he'll be able to buy the earth with Swiss accounts increase by the time he's 221.
Billy Ray Cyrus Speaks Out
Billy Ray Cyrus is convinced that his daughter, Disney doll Miley Cyrus, has the best voice he has ever heard and that she got that from him.
written by Mig93, 29 June 2009
Queen to Pay Tribute to Michael Jackson
UK supergroup, Queen, are due to re-release their No.1 hit record, "Another one bites the dust!" as a tribute to the King of pop Michael Jackson according to a bloke in a pub in Cirencester.
Value for Money?
Fraudster, Bernie Madoff, inventor of the credit crunch, was given 150 years in prison at a cost of $1.5 billion. This represents good value for money.
Simple Cure For U.S Federal Financial Woes
Just install one hundred ATM's all over the place at the Treasury Department. Money? No problem.
written by tlmedia, 29 June 2009
People Mourn Michael Jackson, of 1865
Though it has been 144 years since his death, people are still mourning the loss of Michael Jackson. Not the King of Pop, but another Michael Jackson who died fighting in the Civil War in 1865.
written by Nik Voelz, 29 June 2009
95 Percent of All Lion Bites
The African Council on Animal Bites has noted that 95 percent of all lion bites in Kenya involve Kenyan men. The council concluded that Kenyan women are just much faster runners.
All Of The Jupiterian 3000 iPhones Are Being Recalled
The Jupiterian iPhone Company is recalling all 2.3 million of its brand new Jupiterian 3000 iPhones. It seems that they are prone to suddenly exploding when they detect a series of curse words.
Bernard Madoff Is Finally Sentenced
Bernard Madoff has just been handed a 150 year prison sentence. He reportedly turned to his lawyer and said, "I'll give you 8 to 5 odds I get out in 100 years."
Terror threat upgraded to "red" status
Obama explains that "Malia and Sasha decided that it was a good day to change colors and red goes better with today's outfits."
written by Jalapenoman, 29 June 2009
A hermit began a 40 day stint of isolation in a tower at Manchester Museum. "I plan to contemplate on things "lost" It's so easy to lie back and think of England" he said. No challenge there then!
Statue of Dickie Bird Causes Stir!
A statue of cricket umpire, Dickie Bird, was unveiled today in Barnesly. The figure is seen 'flippin-the-bird'. However, a flock of pigeons did not find it funny and decided dump on it!
Worst Glastonbury Ever!!
According to Abraham Roberts, who imbibed so much LSD, MDMA, Cocaine, Alcohol and Skunk that he died, lost his tent, drank the contents of the public toilets and had his wife stolen by Keith Allen.
Black Entertainment Television Awards - Tribute To Michael Jackson
The Obama Family Singers rendition of Ben by Michael Jackson at the BET Awards, bought tears to the eyes of many. Even Michael's uncle Jesse Jackson cried. Ben is a song about an evil super rat.
London Mint Office Attempts to Stimulate the Economy
The London Mint have made the mistake of striking 20p coins with no date. Collectors are offering £50 per coin for anyone who finds one of 200,000 in circulation. Slot machine proprietors are happy.
Barry Bonds Divorce
Barry Bonds and his wife are divorcing. "Ever since he started getting close to Hank Aaron's home run record he's had the big head", she reportedly told a judge.
Jerry O'Brian Dead
Jerry O'Brian, lately of the Riverdance group, drowned in the Ohio River last night after getting drunk and apparently attempting to dance on the river.
Some Good News On Economy
President Obama: Even though the unemployment rate is now around ten percent, theft of office supplies is down nearly 50%.
Middle East Condition Updated
Arab leaders of the middle east had a special meeting with President Obama today and after a call to Israel, the midwest situation can now be upgraded to "Completely Hopeless"
Romanians To Blame For Credit Crunch - Darling
Alistair Darling claims that a couple of Romanians bumped into him in Oxford Street last September and pickpocketed the whole economy from his jacket pocket. "It would make sense", he said.