Deadbeat Dad's Organize
Deadbeat Dads organize on the internet to plan million deadbeat dads march this summer to promote a National Deadbeat Dad's Day or DDD! Deadbeat Mom's observing closely.
Grand Ayatollah Picks Favorites
Grand Ayatollah in Iran asks to see a large selection of teen Iranian women in the nude to pick out which will be the best virgin material for afterlife just in case there is a revolution.
80 Year Old Man Removes "Kick Me" Tag Left Since Childhood
"I never understood why my butt was so sore my whole life," said Willard."One doctor said it was buttocks spasms. I never realized it was just a cruel joke, and one that lasted 72 years.
Aspiring Politician Denied Office
Aspiring politician and sports fan Eddie Grunt was rejected as a political candidate because he usually spoke the truth. "All politicians are liars," he said.
written by Skoob1999, 18 June 2009
Blair's £15 million income details posted....
earned since leaving orifice through pubic sneaking, dictatorships and a bookies' deal.
written by queen mudder, 18 June 2009
Conan O'Brien Fanning The Letterman-Palin Feud Flames
Conan O'Brien says he heard that David Letterman's pet Chihuahua knocked up Governor Palin's pet Schnauzer during a New York Rangers hockey game.
It Don't Look Good For Motown
Detroit is reeling from the economic recession. It has a 22.8 unemployment rate. The auto companies and major food chains are gone. Reports are that all city buildings will be moved to Ann Arbor.
Tyra "The Banking Gal" Banks
Tyra Banks purchases The First National Bank of Malibu Beach. She plans on renaming it The Tyra Banks Bank. The new bank will offer free checking as well as free eye shadow, lipstick, and mascara.
Olive Garden Tells Letterman: Hey, Dude, We're Outta Here!
Olive Garden cancels all of its David Letterman talk show ads. A spokesperson said that Letterman needs to wash his mouth out with Ivory Soap, which by the way has also cancelled their ads as well.
Dear North Korea: Adios Mofo's
Defense Secretary Gates orders interceptor missiles to Hawaii in case North Korea launches a missile towards Hawaii. How about just launching 300 ICBM's towards North Korea right off the bat.
Wasilla Alaska, home of former V.P. nominee
WASILLA - Where Asinine Squirrelly Illiterate Lunatics Live Abundantly
written by A gals view, 18 June 2009
IRA 2008 Write-Offs
Among this year's income tax write-offs, according to IRA records: Lindsay Lohan has written off the last remains of her dignity.
President Obama overheard speaking to Michelle: "Yo' mama's so dumb, she thought the stimulus package would come wrapped in plain brown paper."
McCain Questions Judge
John McCain questions Judge Sotomayor for a spot on the Supreme Court: Judge, just where in the US IS Soto, and how long have you been their mayor?
New party in Iran
All the protesters in Iran plan on starting the "sore losers party", they vow, they will never lose an election and if they do, they'll protest until their candidate has to be selected
written by disciple, 18 June 2009
Obama Smoking Again
Friends say Obama is smoking again. "I told the people in Egypt that I'd start smoking again. See, 'Camels'"
Baby Flamingos Suffer from Homophobia
According to zoo keepers in London zoo, a pair of baby flamingos are afraid of the colour pink. "They have a big shock coming to them when they grow up."said the head-keeper, Hugh McBill.
written by IN SEINE, 18 June 2009
One Of Those Years
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton who broke her elbow yesterday, lost the presidential race last year to Obama, has just been hit by a meteor!
North Korean Missiles Filled With Candy
A spokesman for the Japanese Defense Ministry said today that they believe now that North Korea's plan for launching missiles is part of, "Project Tootsie: To Share Delicious Candy With The World."
Is It The Iranian Bush?
Iran is accusing the United States of meddling in its election. Immediately the Bush brothers, George and Jeb issue a statement saying that they were both in Florida and nowhere near Iran.
The Yak, Yak, Yak, Yak, Folks
The Habitual Complainers of North America Association has had to cancel its monthly meeting due to the fact that several of its members have come down with a case of the Whine Flu.
The Island of Funafuti Votes To Allow Gay Marriages
The tiny South Pacific island of Funafuti has approved gay marriages. The only stipulation is that the married couples will not be allowed to occupy the same hut.
The Interesting Pockets of The Elderly Female Kangaroos
PETA has stated that they want the Australian practical joke practice of stuffing baby koala's in the pockets of elderly unsuspecting female kangaroos stopped and stopped immediately.
"Get Your Hands Up and Hand Over That Fast Food Toy"
The Brazilian government has banned fast food meal toys saying that it sets bad eating habits. Meanwhile over in Uruguay, the government has publicly hung the Easter bunny.
The Cool Frozen Cocaine Business Is Booming
Mexico's navy has seized more than a ton of cocaine that had been stuffed in frozen sharks. Meanwhile in Cuba, authorites found 40 Cuban cigars that had been stuffed in frozen daiquiris.
Attention All Elderly Residents of Miami Beach
Elderly residents of Miami Beach are being warned to stay inside because of the sudden outbreak of Sunshine Flu.
Oregon's Infamous RabbitWoman
An Oregon woman was found in a motel with a dozen rabbits. She claims to own 250 of the furry creatures. Welfare authorities are upset because she uses all of her food stamps to buy carrots.
The Lake on Mars Named Lake Chocolate
Space scientists discover that there are signs of a lake on Mars. Meanwhile advertising executives hint that there may be a McDonald's on Uranus.
Man Believes His Real Parents Were Squirrels
Said Mr. Roedaunt, "Well, all this time I could never explain this bushy tail. And while everybody in my family would be at the dinner table, there I'd be all by myself, up in a tree eating nuts."
Madoff Forced To Cancel
Bernie Madoff announces he will not be able to attend the international meeting in Sao Paulo, Brazil of Sleazeballs Without Borders.
DC Dwellers Suffering More Mental Blocks
House Leader Nancy Pelosi says she cannot recall if she was at the meeting where male Gaza Stripper was entertaining water boarder's wives.
Larry Flint's Bombshell!
President Obama orders homeland security chief, Napolitano to look into the rumor that Larry Flint is building a dirty bomb.
Gore Proposes Solution
Al Gore: The costs of combating global warming could be offset by floating iceberg gambling casinos.
Levitra Wins Case
Makers of Levitra cleared by judge, jury of any complicity towards man's suit over hairy-palms side effect.
It's A First!
The first Native American, bi-sexual, deaf, natural blond face-transplant recipient climbs Mount Everest
Stones Rolled Out
Mick Jagger, Keith Richards having trouble rolling again says Stars Magazine. "Couple of Mossbacks" says article.
Just Happened To Happen
Recent spotting of UFOs, crop circles, alien kidnappings and probes not related, claims the US Military Department.
Gore's New Book
Al Gore says that his next book will be, "If You Can't Stop Global Warming, Get Out Of The Kitchen" instead of ...., Get Off The Pot" as previously announced, since that "could have a double meaning."
Israelis, Palestinians Agree
Israelis, Palestinians agree on request that Obama's version of the middle east peace plan be copied on Charmin.
US Man Posed As His Dead Mother
An American man posed as his dead mother for more than six years. In this time he did not say a word and kept perfectly still. When the authorities found him, he claimed that he was "a bit stiff!"
written by IN SEINE, 18 June 2009
"Trouble In Jordan River City!"
More trouble in the Middle East after soldier's wife finds beer holder with name of Gaza Strip Club in his pocket.
Attorney Skips Passage On Reading Will
Family Attorney modestly skips over the part of the will from family's late father where he bragged about the length of his penis.
American Winner Disqualified
First American winner of the International Staring Contest disqualified after judges discover he'd been dead for several hours.
Secretary Gates Pessimistic
The United States Department of Defense Gates says "US missile shield would probably not work against an full alien invasion", from his bed in hospital ward.
NKorea Still Defiant
"I'm just your ordinary regular guy who just happened to be ruggedly handsome and successful with many, many women", says Kim Jung Il.
Cheers Them Right Up
Meteorologists say they may be able to better control hurricanes by having aircraft drop St. John's Wort into centers of tropical depressions.
Germany Officially Apologizes
Germany officially apologized yesterday at the United Nations for turning loose such men as Hitler, Himmler and Hasselhoff on the rest of mankind.
Methane Car Still Runs
Man who invented new car that runs on cow manure methane gas, claims he's already gotten 10,000 miles on his shitometer.
Saving During Hard Times
To save money in tough economic times, Ron Paul has suggested that most city dwellers can plant a few marijuana plants on their window boxes.
UK Prepares For Global Warming
The UK needs to plan now for a future that will be hotter and bring greater extremes of flood and drought, more sun-bathing says Environment Secretary Hilary Benn, while wiggling eyebrows.
Window Clearer's Surreal Fall
An American window cleaner who fell from the outside of a building six floors up has survived the "surreal" tumble with minor injuries. Apparently saw other window washer's life pass before his face.
Italian airline Alitalia has apologized after its in-flight magazine printed a map leaving off the Mediterranean island of Sicily. "A bit premature", says global warming official.
Expense Claims Published
The expenses claims of every MP for the past four years have been published, but with some key details blacked out. Mostly the correct names matching the correct amounts.
Iran's Mass Protests
More mass protests are expected in the Iranian capital after presidential challenger Mir Hossein Mousavi urged followers to observe a day of mourning for those probably killed at today's protest.
Winnebago Posts Loss
Winnebago posts $8.6M loss in 3Q on falling sales, elderly passengers after too many "early bird specials".
Health Care Bill Delayed
Delays, disputes, hacking, coughing, loud sneezes and people jumping up and running to the john slows progress of health care bill.
PETA: Obama's Actions Disturbing
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants the President to try taking a more humane attitude the next time he's bedeviled by a fly in the White House. Pulling wings off also discouraged.
Dems To Pass Bill Quickly
Democrats plan to pass financial overhaul quickly, before anyone can read the fine print about huge congressional raise.
Hillary Fractures Elbow
Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton fractured her right elbow during a fall Wednesday, her chief of staff said. Meanwhile Bill Clinton is reporting three fractured ribs.
NKorea Firing Away!
North Korea may fire a missile toward Hawaii but say they have no idea exactly where it will come down.
Robin Hibbard Pregnant...
and apparently the father is someone who doesn't know who she is either.
Hilary Clinton Has Cracked Her 'Funny Bone'...
in response to the continuing feud over David Letterman's misplaced sense of humor. While Ms. Clinton's elbow will be operated on next week, it is believed Letterman's infliction is terminal.
In an effort to cap the spread of urban decay...
president Obama has announced that he will nuke the following U.S. cities on the weekend: Canton, Youngstown, Dayton, Cleveland; Flint, Detroit, Scranton, Springfield, Buffalo, Charleston.
US President's "terror campaign" threat to old lady
There was an Obama who swatted a fly. "I don't know why he swatted a fly," admitted a White House spokesman. White supremacists issued a statement through a far-right spokesman: "Perhaps he'll die."
written by neilwatson, 18 June 2009
Tamil Tiger Sues Sri Lanka
A Hindu Tamil Tiger suing Buddhist Sri Lanka contends the military used "excessive force" to wipe out 20,000 rebels. Human rights groups are silent as no Muslim terrorists held at GITMO are involved!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 June 2009