Bill Gates Admits He is Bat Boy!

Funny story written by Moose&Squirell

Wednesday, 21 March 2007

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Bill Gates: I am the Bat Boy!

LAS VEGASS, NEVADA - (GEEKNOOZ) Standing in front of 25,000 attendees of the 25th Annual GEEKTECK 2007 Show, Bill Gates, Owner and Board Chairman at Microsoft (NYSE:MFST), announced that he is the urban legend come to life...the Bat Boy. The crowd reacted with a gasp, some people putting their hands over their mouths, others over their necks. "Please, don't be afraid", remarked the Geeky Ghoul Guru Gates, "I bought plenty of bottles of plasma to last me the entire trip & interferon to snack on."

Silence filled the room. Finally the software giant spoke, "I know a whole lot of you have questions. So I'm opening up the floor for your inquires". Every eye was trained on Gates as he pointed to a raised hand. "Are you sure you're at the right convention? Star Trek 2007 is down the street at the Bellagio!", The crowd burst into laughter, then applause. Gates blushed a jaundice-yellow and smiled a shy grin and pointed to another. "When did you decide to go into crime fighting?", asked an ignorant CNN reporter. Again another burst of laughter.

Gates asked for silence so he could explain to those who may need more information about his condition. "First of all...I'm not human. Am I making myself clear with that statement?!...I'm a vampire. I have lived far too long with that shame on my mind and have decided to tell the world about the real me. First of all I've got to apologize to range ranchers in the Roswell, New Mexico area. Those weren't UFO's slaughtering your cows in the middle of the night", Bill hangs his head down, "...It was me. I...I...I have a fetish for disemboweling a firm & tight, delicious Black Angus. MMMMM...Yummy!"

Steve Ballmer, Microsoft Chief Executive Officer, stood up from his chair on stage and stood side by side with Gates. He began, "These last few years have been real tough for those of us who have known the truth for so long. In a way, I now feel I can take a large load off my chest and breathe a great sigh of relief. of course, I'll continue to wear my 'garlic lei' around my neck at work, just to keep Bill off my back!" The audience gives a nervous laugh, then a another burst of applause.

Bill, feeling more confident, speaks to the crowd, "Ladies & Gentleman Dweebs, thank you for being here today for this historic moment and I wouldn't of had the courage other wise to speak out so boldly. I feel I am around friends & confidantes as I look around the room here this morning. You have given me the guts to take this new step, not only for me professionally, but, for the industry as a whole. Once again I thank you from the bottom of my black heart." The room comes to its feet with a thunderous applause.

Gates closes with his final statement, "Next year, look for our new product release. First in beta testing, than at your retail computer stores, Hemoglobin2008! I know you'll find it just as I find it. It will definitely take a 'Byte out of you'...Opps!"

A Moose&Squirell Exclusive

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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