Consumer Fury As Poundland Threatens Price Hike

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 21 March 2007

image for Consumer Fury As Poundland Threatens Price Hike
No need to ask, everything's £1.10

Consumer groups are up in arms, after Britains biggest and most popular retail group threatened to increase its prices for the first time ever.

Poundland, where you've no need to ask, everything's a pound, have said that inflation and new government levy on import charges from China - which is where all Poundland's goods come from - have put a strain on the company's ability to maintain its position as leader in the Sales of Shite sector.

David Thrifty, Chief Executive of Poundland, said:

"A huge new airport-sized warehouse at Willenhall has depleted our buying potential, and changes in market forces and international import charges have meant we have increased vulnerability. We've countered this by sourcing even cheaper goods for our customers."

"Sadly though", he went on, "workers need wages, and we've had to give some of our staff a 10p per hour payrise. There are now people in corporate roles earning in excess of £140 per week - if they work Saturdays and Sundays, of course!"

Although Poundland has said it will increase its prices before, it's thought by experts that a rise now is unavoidable, but this would give them an even bigger problem - the company name.

Shoppers were livid at the prospect of having to pay more than a pound for their essential goods.

Betty Tramp from Dudley, speaking through a translator, said:

"I get me toothpaste, shampoo, DVDs and biscuits from there. If they put the prices up, I'll have matted hair, bad breath and nowt to do in the evening - or the daytime for that matter. Mind you, there's a 99p shop in the Bullring."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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