A Paleo-Anthropologist Explains Why Men Have Long Penises

Funny story written by UncleDale

Tuesday, 9 August 2022

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Humphrey Longhair, the dull looking tall expert on early Hominid History at Mary Magdalene University - (home of the famous exhibit of her clothing, hairbrush and shoes) - said, in his Darwin Birthday lecture.

Anthropologically, it's a Long but true tale about the adult male Penis.

Two million years ago - Ethiopia was an Island where our Pre-to-the Hundredth-generation-Ancestors were evolving into Humans.

They lived by the seashore in caves - and like all other land animals had sex in the rear position. Then, by fishing in the ocean, they became semi-aquatic. Before you knew it, (about a million years), they walked upright, and the women's sexual equipment had shifted forward - and rear door sex was no longer possible. This same shift had happened to whales and dolphins - and those animals had had had to switch to Face to Face sex also - for the same reasons. So today, whales have eight-foot penises.

Women's sexual organs were now deeper in their bodies. There was a sexual arms race among the Men - and the Men with longer Penises - able to reach the Target - won.

This is Survival of the Longer Penis, as it is called in Darwinian Terms.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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