NASA Preparing to Slam Astronauts Into Asteroid to Push it Off Course

Funny story written by Sasa Stankovic

Tuesday, 23 November 2021

image for NASA Preparing to Slam Astronauts Into Asteroid to Push it Off Course
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Have you ever had dreams about a giant rock coming from the depths of the Solar system and hitting Earth? You are not the only one! This nightmarish scenario was a subject of many scientific studies and inspired experts to find a way to avoid Armageddon.

It seems that NASA is about to show us that its huge budget has a purpose and redirect a fraction of it to tackle the problem. Next Wednesday, this tax-payers money guzzling agency will launch a mission to deliberately slam spacecraft into an asteroid called Dimorphos, to try to change its orbit and course. There will be four astronauts on board.

We asked the representative of NASA to clarify the purpose of the mission and give us more details. This is what he had to say:

“We’re aware that some tax-payers think NASA shouldn’t exist, let alone spend their hard-earned dollars on pointless endeavors like the fake moon landing or sending an overpriced dishwasher to Mars. Well, we have some good news”

"You probably heard that there is a large number of asteroids circling the sun. Most of them are located between the orbits of Jupiter and Mars. Occasionally, these celestial bodies get kicked out of their regular orbits and pushed in a different direction, sometimes towards Earth. The result is obvious. Remember the extinction of dinosaurs?"

"The crew will use the mass and inertia of the spacecraft to violently slam into the asteroid, in an attempt to change its orbit and course. Will they survive? It is hard to say, one can never be sure about these things. Space flight is a risky business"

“However, if they manage to stay alive, we will receive valuable feedback. It will enable us to plan for an emergency, in case a rock the size of Texas starts heading our way. We could send a massive spacecraft, filled with volunteers from around the world, plus the entire NASA staff. They would crash into a monster and push it off its fatal collision course”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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