Study: Straight Men Who Claim to Like Dancing Actually Don't

Funny story written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw

Sunday, 17 October 2021

image for Study: Straight Men Who Claim to Like Dancing Actually Don't
Why won't any blokes dance with this lass?

"It started off as a rather whimsical promotion," said pub owner Mort Jigglethwaite with a chuckle. "I had no idea that it would spawn a formal scientific study!"

"You see, Wednesday night is typically a slow time for our business, so when we learned that the local ladies' football team held practices on Wednesdays at a nearby stadium, we decided, in a fun way, to let them know that they were more than welcome to drop in after practice."

"Our offer was, specifically, half price food and beer to anyone showing up at our pub on Wednesday evenings wearing a sports bra. The entire football team took advantage of the offer, and, as it turns out, one of the ladies was looking for a thesis topic for her master's in sociology. Cecilia is her name, and I believe she's here tonight."

When I located the student, Cecilia Punter, she had this to say:

"Being a rather buxom lass, I normally have no problem enticing the lads to dance with me. However, I came to notice that when my girls are solidly strapped down flat under a Kevlar-reinforced sports bra, none of the lads seem to be interested. In fact, our entire football team --all fit and pretty lasses in our twenties -- took to the dance floor one Wednesday night, and the only blokes who joined us seemed to be primarily interested in each other. Sure enough, when last call was announced, they all paired off and left together, while the straight lads continued playing billiards and darts, and watching telly."

"With Mort's cooperation, I organized further controlled experiments and came to the remarkable conclusion that straight males who claim to like dancing are really just out on the floor to watch female breasts bouncing and jiggling about. Who knew?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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