PELICAN BALLS, Louisiana – (Satire News) - The National Animal Rights Syndicate known as NARS has just held their bi-yearly meeting and they have come up with a mandate that they want implemented within 2 weeks.
NARS Assistant Vice-Director Olympia P. Obispo, said that the Louisiana office has been receiving quite a lot of complaints about alligators and crocodiles biting innocent citizens including evangelicals, mail carriers, girl scouts, retired pole dancers, and even a group of atheists.
State Senator Hezekiah F. Prattwinkle, 59, of Shreveport will be introducing State Bill MGCA-193, known as the Muzzled Gator & Croc Bill, which stipulates that every single alligator and crocodile in a Louisiana bayou, lake, swamp, water reservoir must have an official state of Louisiana approved muzzle.
Senator Prattwinkle, remarked off-the-record that the state of Louisiana is planning on capturing at least 17,000 gators and crocs and secretly transporting them over to the Gitchaboobanani Swamp in Florida.
In Other News. Reports coming out of the Kremlin are that Russia has totally given up on its intention to annex Ireland.