BRONX, New York – (Satire News) – The director of the Bronx Zoo has just informed the news media that a 402-pound Galapagos turtle named Nostradamus II has just escaped from his holding cage.
Nosty, who is 397-years-old, reportedly escaped once before, back in 1958, but only managed to make it to the parking lot.
He was lassoed by a park worker, and dragged back into his enclosure.
But this time, Nosty escaped undercover of the night. Estimates are that he made his escape somewhere between 2:00 am and 2:10 am, by chewing through his metal foot chain, which is estimated to have taken him 56 years.
The zoo has flown in one of the top turtle sniffing dogs from Pyongyang, North Korea.
Chipper Caruso, with Boom Boom News, reported that President Kim Jong-un gave the Bronx Zoo a fantastic price on the dog, because the Kimster is such a fantastic friend of former NBA superstar Dennis Rodman.
Meanwhile, zoo officials have posted a $12,300 reward to anyone who provides info that aids in the capturing of Nostradamus II.