China To Repair Ozone Layer With Steamed Minced Pork Buns

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 30 May 2019

image for China To Repair Ozone Layer With Steamed Minced Pork Buns
Space - the best place for salapaos, if you ask me!

The disturbing news this week that dangerous chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) traceable to China are directly responsible for damage to the ozone layer, has met with a swift response from the Chinese authorities - they are to repair the damage with steamed minced pork buns, more commonly known as 'salapaos'.

Salapaos are buns made of a sickly white pastry, and stuffed with some kind of meat, such as pork or chicken. They are popular in southeast Asia, but also in China, where they are mass produced, and force-fed to the population.

The 'stodgy' buns are packed full of deadly amounts of cholesterol, and are expected to be perfect for shoring up the huge hole in the Earth's protective ozone layer. Trillions of the virtually-weightless buns will be stuck together and airlifted to the level of the ozone, where they will be incorporated into the depleted ozone shell.

Because the hole in the ozone layer is so large, the Chinese authorities have asked for help from the Chinese public to make as many salapaos as they can manage. This is being called the Bun Effort.

A special 'recipe pamphlet' has been produced, and posted at transit points in major cities. It is also being read over loudspeakers at the stroke of every hour between 6am and midnight. Details are as below:

INGREDIENTS FOR THE MEAT FILLING

½ lb minced pork
½ tbsp fresh shallot, finely chopped
½ tbsp garlic, finely chopped
½ tbsp sugar
½ tbsp Thai pepper powder
1½ tbsp thin soy sauce

INGREDIENTS FOR THE DOUGH

1 16 oz bag of mixed flour for steamed bun
1 cup millk
4 tbsp of sugar
1 tbsp of vegetable oil

Roll the dough out, and cut it into 20 pieces. Next, roll a piece of dough into a circle, and try to make the center thicker than the outer edge. Place a teaspoon portion of the meat mix into your dough, then lift and turn the dough to form the steamed bun.

Prepare hard-boiled eggs, and cut them into 8 equal portions, then put a portion, with the yolk part down, on top of the meat mix, and then seal up the dough.

Place the buns on a square of wax paper then place into a stacked steamer, and cook for about 10 minutes.

Your buns will be collected every morning at 6am. Place the buns in the provided basket outside the front door of your home, so that our collection team can collect them.

Remember, your buns are helping the next generation!

Other countries in southeast Asia are standing by to see the results of the Chinese effort before going into maximum salapao production. Vietnam, Thailand, the Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia and Singapore are all known to be top salapao producers, but the Burmese have more sense.

There, the most popular delicacy is Twig Pie with Rice.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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