Written by Paxton Quigley

Tuesday, 27 November 2018

image for Al Nino of Smallville, California, Quits Facebook as Ocean Temperatures Rise
Ice cream manufacturers raise a toast to Al Nino

"Not again" said California resident, Mr Al Nino, today as he deleted his Facebook and Twitter accounts and cut off his phone and internet access. "I've had enough of this shit and I'm going into hiding."

Mr Nino's anxiety is due to the news from the World Meteorological Organization that there are once again changes in the temperature of the Pacific Ocean which have a major influence on weather patterns around the world. The event is linked to US heatwaves, floods in South America and droughts in Africa and Asia.

The event has become known as "El Niño."

The Australian Bureau of Meteorology and WMO are forecasting that an El Niño event will start in December or January.

"The last time this happened I suffered an onslaught of abusive phone calls from crazies blaming me for the disastrous effects" said Al Nino, "and now it will be even worse since the ubiquity of Facebook and Twitter. I will have nowhere to run when some gun toting redneck asshole takes it upon himself to come bursting through my front door. I'm outta here."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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