Ringling Bros. Vows to Handle Circus Goats with Kid Gloves; Subsequently Retracts Statement

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

image for Ringling Bros. Vows to Handle Circus Goats with Kid Gloves; Subsequently Retracts Statement
The prospect of being handled with kid gloves was less than alluring to this Ringling Bros. survivor.

Kenneth Feld, CEO of Feld Entertainment, the group that owns Ringling Bros. Circus, recently announced that Ringling Bros. will, effective immediately, exploit for trivial human entertainment fewer wild animals and more and more domesticated animals, including horses, cows, chickens, and goats.

The circus group's policy shift away from the detention and torture of wild animals came in the wake of public outrage at the cruel and inhumane practices employed by Ringling Bros. in training and housing the elephants, giraffes, and tigers traditionally featured in its shows.

Disavowing accusations of the company's historic callousness toward animals it forces to perform in its circuses, Feld pledged his own personal commitment to impeccable treatment of the circus's "farm critters." In particular, vowed Feld, the circus goats, which are trained to jump through rings of fire, ride on the backs of lions and sometimes octopi, and to be swallowed and later regurgitated by giant pythons, are to be "handled with kid gloves."

Feld subsequently retracted the "kid gloves" statement with regard to circus goats but claims that it remains accurate for other circus livestock. Feld declined to comment on exactly where the alleged kid gloves are obtained.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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