Noting that the current American food system inherently relies on the torture and exploitation of living, sentient beings in order to supply Americans' meat-heavy diet, U.S. President Donald Trump acknowledged that veganism is a social justice issue,...
Welcome to the second - and quite possibly, the last, if current interest is anything to go by - episode in our series about uninteresting animals. This week, I'm going to tell you a little bit about the Duck-billed Platypus, but only a little, be...
After several parishioners approached him asking what he thought of adopting a vegan lifestyle out of compassion for animals, Pastor Raymond Roberts of Crossroads Christian Church in Nashville, Tennessee, assured them that people of faith need not co...
Scientists who re-discovered a giant bee on an Indonesian island, have been told their find is "breathtakingly pointless, stupid, and a complete waste of time. And money", by social commentator, Moys Kenwood. The bee, a Wallace's giant bee, (Megac...
Succumbing to pressure from a community which has grown tired of the exploitation and abuse of animals, the Russian River Rodeo Association has voted 315 to 3 to replace their traditional affair this year with a "Virtual Rodeo." Using mechanical...
Nabiscuit, owner of Humbug's Animal Crackers, under pressure from the People for the Extermination of Animals (PETA), has done “the unthinkable,” Greg Shee Ann, the Acting Director of the United States Fish and Wildlife Service, whined. The compan...
A man out for an early morning stroll in the remote area of Tapon near Battambang, today told of a sight that he will never be able to 'unsee' - a creature with two heads! The creature was spotted by animal expert, Moys Kenwood, who lives in the a...
UN, New York, NY - Samir Braseer Alahumpidad, chairman of UNFART (United Nations Flying Animal Relief Travelers), held a press conference behind the UN building today at noon, holding the leash of his companion support dog as it relieved itself on th...
The animal kingdom: wild and wonderful, isn't it? Except when you're faced with a hungry tiger after you've strayed off the beaten path a little bit. Not so wonderful then, is it? Let's see you call it 'wonderful' then! But let's just say that we're just talking around the table in your local, out-of-the-way public house on a Sunday afternoon - or an evening - and someone brings up the subject...
Animals enter life fully prepared, with all necessary characteristics and instincts. In other words, they work like a PCM, punched card machine. All expertly and reliably wired up. But, alas, Homo sapiens need to acquire their workable applications externally. Of course, man's mind is not that empty. It's got a hard disk containing many old files, archives, gradually saved throughout centuries, b...
Fido, a smart dog, recently barked to a Spoof writer who understands dog talk. Fido's chief gripe was about the stupid things humans say. A few of Fido's examples of stupid comments by humans are given below, followed by an observation from the dog: He's so stupid he couldn't be elected dog catcher. "Uh, hello. Successful dog catchers are VERY smart." Good doggie. "Soooooooooooo condescendi...
Toronto - A local animal trainer for the Toronto Zoo suffered severe injuries when his tiger, Meeka, turned on him during a training session and gnawed his arms off. According to fellow workmates, the trainer, Peter Dawson, 38, routinely whipped Meek...
French Lick, Indiana - Duane Fick, 27, can assure the presiding judge in his upcoming trial that his beloved cat, Fuggles, is pissed-seriously pissed. And from what this reporter can gather, that piece of evidence seems to hold true. "Fuggles has nev...
As someone interested in boosting his own health and the health of the planet, health-conscious environmentalist Luke Jameson decided to kill two birds with one stone by going vegan. Luke was first inspired to go vegan when he learned that animal...
A five-star luxury hotel was under siege from an army of brainwashed animals for 72 hours. Hotel Amaze the premier locale of the ancient city of Mu was besieged by non-human mammals in the early hours of Thursday morning. Staff activated 'Home Inv...
In an effort to impress the animal rights campaigner who has moved in at the end of our street BATTL news has decided to pursue an animal rights story that has shocked us. The daily newspaper "The Sun" (it should be called "The Paper That Thinks It's Alright To Kill Small Insects") has instigated a new hateful competition in which it hires celebrities to attempt killing a fly using a variety of ob...
Representatives of the Pressure Group "People Against Animals" delivered a petition to Downing Street today demanding government action on animals making pointless, stupid noises. Group spokesman Johnny Parrot-Seed hit out at the animal kingdom aft...
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