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Funny satire stories about Animals

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Man Spotted 'Creature' With Two Heads

Funny story: Man Spotted 'Creature' With Two Heads

A man out for an early morning stroll in the remote area of Tapon near Battambang, today told of a sight that he will never be able to 'unsee' - a creature with two heads! The creature was spotted by animal expert, Moys Kenwood, who lives in the a...

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Airports relabeling “Animal Relief Areas”

Funny story: Airports relabeling “Animal Relief Areas”

UN, New York, NY - Samir Braseer Alahumpidad, chairman of UNFART (United Nations Flying Animal Relief Travelers), held a press conference behind the UN building today at noon, holding the leash of his companion support dog as it relieved itself on th...

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Endangered Animals: Do They Realise They're Endangered?

Funny story: Endangered Animals: Do They Realise They're Endangered?

The animal kingdom: wild and wonderful, isn't it? Except when you're faced with a hungry tiger after you've strayed off the beaten path a little bit. Not so wonderful then, is it? Let's see you call it 'wonderful' then! But let's just say that we're just talking around the table in your local, out-of-the-way public house on a Sunday afternoon - or an evening - and someone brings up the subject...

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Cheated & Mistreated

Animals enter life fully prepared, with all necessary characteristics and instincts. In other words, they work like a PCM, punched card machine. All expertly and reliably wired up. But, alas, Homo sapiens need to acquire their workable applications externally. Of course, man's mind is not that empty. It's got a hard disk containing many old files, archives, gradually saved throughout centuries, b...

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Fido: Stupid Things Humans Say

Funny story: Fido: Stupid Things Humans Say

Fido, a smart dog, recently barked to a Spoof writer who understands dog talk. Fido's chief gripe was about the stupid things humans say. A few of Fido's examples of stupid comments by humans are given below, followed by an observation from the dog: He's so stupid he couldn't be elected dog catcher. "Uh, hello. Successful dog catchers are VERY smart." Good doggie. "Soooooooooooo condescendi...

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Animal Trainer Routinely Uses Whip and Gun On Tiger - Has Audacity To Act Surprised When Animal Chews His Arms Off

Funny story: Animal Trainer Routinely Uses Whip and Gun On Tiger - Has Audacity To Act Surprised When Animal Chews His Arms Off

Toronto - A local animal trainer for the Toronto Zoo suffered severe injuries when his tiger, Meeka, turned on him during a training session and gnawed his arms off. According to fellow workmates, the trainer, Peter Dawson, 38, routinely whipped Meek...

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First Gay Cat To Sue Indiana Kennel

Funny story: First Gay Cat To Sue Indiana Kennel

French Lick, Indiana - Duane Fick, 27, can assure the presiding judge in his upcoming trial that his beloved cat, Fuggles, is pissed-seriously pissed. And from what this reporter can gather, that piece of evidence seems to hold true. "Fuggles has nev...

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Health-Conscious Environmentalist Kills Two Birds with One Stone by Going Vegan

Funny story: Health-Conscious Environmentalist Kills Two Birds with One Stone by Going Vegan

As someone interested in boosting his own health and the health of the planet, health-conscious environmentalist Luke Jameson decided to kill two birds with one stone by going vegan. Luke was first inspired to go vegan when he learned that animal...

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Brainwashed Animals Attack Luxury Hotel

A five-star luxury hotel was under siege from an army of brainwashed animals for 72 hours. Hotel Amaze the premier locale of the ancient city of Mu was besieged by non-human mammals in the early hours of Thursday morning. Staff activated 'Home Inv...

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Bang To Animal Rights

Funny story: Bang To Animal Rights

In an effort to impress the animal rights campaigner who has moved in at the end of our street BATTL news has decided to pursue an animal rights story that has shocked us. The daily newspaper "The Sun" (it should be called "The Paper That Thinks It's Alright To Kill Small Insects") has instigated a new hateful competition in which it hires celebrities to attempt killing a fly using a variety of ob...

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Animal Kingdom Slammed for Making Stupid Noises

Funny story: Animal Kingdom Slammed for Making Stupid Noises

Representatives of the Pressure Group "People Against Animals" delivered a petition to Downing Street today demanding government action on animals making pointless, stupid noises. Group spokesman Johnny Parrot-Seed hit out at the animal kingdom aft...

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Pokémon: The Terrible Terrifying Truth

Another brutal day at work. Another round of layoffs hit your firm so you grudgingly accept Fate's cruel hand and settle into the humdrum monotony of missed deadlines, angry emails, and screaming bosses. You finally arrive at your sanctuary: home, a bastion of refuge against the assaulting waves of crap called life. As you kick off your shoes, the glow of a portable screen plastered to the face of...

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Elephant No Longer In The Room

The elephant in the room has taken his own life. He was suffering from clinical depression. He was extremely self-conscious, thinking that he makes others uncomfortable. He was always confused about people's true feelings towards him and he never understood his own place in this world. Sometimes people ignored him and sometimes he was the talk of the room either way no one ever really saw him...

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Herbivore Assessment Program Makes Vegans Feel Like Shit

Funny story: Herbivore Assessment Program Makes Vegans Feel Like Shit

Have you ever met one of those annoying, self-righteous vegans who obviously considers himself morally superior to all other humans on the planet? If so, you might be encouraged to learn that the recently established Herbivore Assessment & Rating Program (HARP) is working to take those self-important vegans down a notch - by assessing precisely how "vegan" they really are. In calculating a...

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What's in a name?

Funny story: What's in a name?

What year is it? 2014 yes, but in China it is the year of the horse. Naming a year after an animal might seem ridiculous to us but it has been tradition there for centuries. So has eating the penis of endangered big cats and snorting crushed ivory cu...

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Oklahoma Governor Agrees to Extend Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

Funny story: Oklahoma Governor Agrees to Extend Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

Following the botched execution of death row inmate Clayton Lockett, Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin announced that she will support legislation extending the Humane Slaughter Act, which has previously applied only to farm animals, to human prisoners.

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Environmentalist's Compelling Message Overshadowed by Unfortunate Fashion Choice

Funny story: Environmentalist's Compelling Message Overshadowed by Unfortunate Fashion Choice

During a panel discussion on climate change and environmental ethics at Columbia Law School, environmentalist Chuck Perry's compelling message of universal interconnectedness and the devastating effect of animal agriculture on the environment was unf...

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Disturbing Plastic Surgery for Pets Trend Sweeping Across United States

Funny story: Disturbing Plastic Surgery for Pets Trend Sweeping Across United States

Pet owners wanting to turn their pets into lookalikes of their favourite celebrities, a craze that began in Los Angeles, could be headed across the USA. Plastic surgery for dogs and cats is big business in Tinsel Town where pet owners are paying i...

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Breaking news…

Fake Friend

Surprise, surprise! Apparently, Omarosa was Trump’s fake friend. This is definitely sad.
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