WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - GOP Trump ass-kisser, Madison Cawthorn has stated that all of the lies coming out about him will only make him stronger. The latest photos of Cawthorn allegedly show him at The Bronx Zoo, in the flamingo reserve,…
LONDON – (UK Satire) – England’s Zooological Investigatory Agency has just had to remove an extremely vulgar, nasty, lascivious-as-hell duck named, Donald The Duck, from the famed London’s Childrens Petting Zoo in. A representative with the ZIA, W…
TARZANA, Cailfornia – (Satire News) – The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo was the victim of a flash mob’s smash and grab attack. According to security video, the incident occurred at 3:05 am, when most of the petting zoo animals were sound asleep.
THE BRONX, New York – (Entertainment Satire) – The Bronx Zoo has confirmed that half a dozen jerks were apprehended inside the zoo impersonating zoo animals. And as one of the chief zookeepers stated, the six punks did a very fucked up job of impe…
JOHANNESBURG, South Africa – (World Satire) – The director of the Apartheid Family Zoo has just confirmed that 3 adult female African elephants were stolen overnight. Zoo Director Kimberly P. Queenscrown, 57, reported the incident to the Johannesb…
The nine apes at San Diego Zoo that were given shots of a COVID-19 vaccine, have responded in a totally unexpected manner, it has been reported, with several of them managing to blurt out the word 'No'. Five orangutans and four chimpanzees were gi…
After several high-profile news items depicting various high street retailers sponsoring the animals at Chester Zoo, the zoo has finally been given the go-ahead to re-open on Monday 15th of June. Iceland have sponsored the penguins, Newcastle Unit...
Scandal erupted across the nation today as two camels were born at Yorkshire Wildlife Park, flying in the face of hardworking Brexiteers and patriots who made their way back to work today, showing all the shirkers and looney left how it’s done! Th...
President Donald Trump put another spanner in the spokes of already-frail US/China relations this morning, when he blamed the Coronavirus outbreak on the pandas at Beijing Zoo. The zoo has nineteen pandas, and, as a treasured specie, they are kept...
THE BRONX, New York – The assistant director of the Bronx Zoo has just issued a news bulletin that eight of their big cats have tested positive for the Coronavirus. Spencer Piano told the reporters, who had assembled in the zoo parking lot, that t...
(Birmingham, Alabama) As the Coronavirus continues to keep the country in a virtual lockdown state, many US businesses have had to shutter and weather the storm. For some, it can be a simple closing of a small shop or hair salon, but for others, it i...
To help resolve a budget crisis, the zoo in Chaffinch St Cock has begun offering visitors the chance to hunt its animals. Prospective trophies include the rare Siberian tiger, a chimpanzee and even a woolly mammoth. Zookeeper Geoff Dung explained,...
A 25-year-old female named LaTania Blackburn, says she has finally found the true meaning of love, when, after being single for over 15 years, she married a zoo gorilla. LaTania and her gorilla/husband, Amadou, appeared on ITV's early morning show...
Pupils at a local Stoke-on-Trent High School were looking forward to a long-arranged day trip to a popular animal centre today, but disaster struck soon after they arrived. The schoolchildren, aged 11 to 16, were visiting the local "Monkey Forest...
An Egyptian student has accused a zoo in Egypt of painting a donkey with black stripes in order to make it look like a zebra. The student's photograph of the suspicious looking zebra, named Muffin, has been examined by several experts who claim th...
A rare hairless chimp called "Chimp Chop" has died unexpectedly his keepers say. He was unexpectedly hit by a bus after unexpectedly fleeing from his enclosure and out onto a busy road. The bus driver was unnerved by the unexpected appearance...
Toronto - A local animal trainer for the Toronto Zoo suffered severe injuries when his tiger, Meeka, turned on him during a training session and gnawed his arms off. According to fellow workmates, the trainer, Peter Dawson, 38, routinely whipped Meek...
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