Charlie the Radioactive Tuna Causes Child Thyroid Cancer Sorry

Funny story written by Karen Fish

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

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In 2008 Del Monte sold StarKist Tuna to South Korean food giant the Dongwon Corporation which exports tuna to the United States and the world. According to the Supreme Court of the United States of America and Mitt Romney corporations are people. Can corporations get the death penalty for selling radioactive tuna to children? Is that a crime against humanity? Are we talking genocide and the International Criminal Court for your grocer?

StarKist is the father of Charlie the Tuna now renamed Charlie the Radioactive Tuna aka Charlie the Chemotherapy Tuna aka Chernobyl Charlie aka Fukushima Charlie which gives your child's skin that beautiful glow in the dark quality. It seems that after all those years of rejection Charlie the Radioactive Tuna is now exacting his murderous revenge.

Contrary to popular belief the Earth only has one ocean; go take a look at your child's globe. Welcome back. When the Fukushima Nuclear Reactor melted down and spilled zillions of gallons of radioactive water into the ocean the tuna drank the cesium filled water and today arrived in California.

"Mirrors on the ceiling, The pink champagne on ice, And she said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device". And in the master's chambers, They gathered for the feast, They stab it with their steely knives, But they just can't kill the beast. Last thing I remember, I was Running for the door, I had to find the passage back, To the place I was before. 'Relax' said the night man, We are programmed to receive. You can check-out any time you like, But you can never leave! Welcome to the Hotel California, such a lovely place, such a lovely place...". Mitt Romney chose a great day to rail against the "Obama EPA" although he does have impeccable taste in art.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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