Written by Paxton Quigley

Wednesday, 24 October 2018

image for Did Jesus Wear Socks and Sandals, or Did He Paint His Toenails? Theologians have debated Jesus's foot fetish for generations

It's the ultimate fashion faux pas, of course, but did the Lamb of God wear socks with his sandals? Was that part of the reason that Pontius Pilate agreed to crucify our saviour? What do you think? It's possible, as Nazareth's average January temperature is 11.5 ℃ with a minimum of 7.8 ℃ (that's 52.7 °F and 46 °F for our insular American chums) which can be a bit nippy on the tootsies. So maybe yes, he would have, if they'd been invented.

In the absence of wearing socks, did the Nazarene confidence trickster paint his toenails? While there are strong suspicions that Jesus was a gay communist - after all, he did live with twelve male friends or "fishers of men" - there is no real evidence that he painted his toenails. On the other hand, there is a distinct possibility that he had a foot fetish, as evidenced in the gospel of St. John 13:1–17. It was at the so-called Last Supper that he insisted on washing all of his disciples' feet, despite one or two protests. Maybe they knew what it did for him, and objected to his advances, knowing what it might lead to later....

Unfortunately, we'll never know.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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