Tweets From Trump's Family Members, Friends, and Ex-Friends (July Edition)

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 10 July 2022

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"Cheddar Face is going down to hell-in-a-hand basket." -BILL BARR

Taffeta Kixx with the BuzzFuzz News Agency has compiled a list of tweets that were sent out by members of Trump's family, as well as by some of his friends and ex-friends. Information guru, Andy Cohen helped Miss Kixx with compiling this list.


RUDY GIULIANI - Hey, you no good, punk-ass twat. You threw me under the bus, the taxi, and the damn Yamaha motorcycle, you fuckhead. You are nothing but a scum-sucking, whore-mongering piece of cow dung.

MARIA BARTIROMO - I really feel and believe in my heart of hearts, and in my liver of livers, and in my crotch of crotches, that Donaldo is just a bit misunderstood, and is really as nice as his fellow GOPer John McCain.

CINDY McCAIN - Hey, you lousy-looking, cellulite covered twat Bartiromo. You are nothing but an ass-kissing beatch. Eat shit.

BILL BARR - I warned Trumpo many times about his being a racist, and a predator, and a liar, and a jive-ass pussy grabber, and I told him that one day it would all come back to haunt his orange ass...but NOOOOO!

VP KAMALA HARRIS - Hey "Cheeto Face." When you go to Sing Sing (Prison) make sure you don't drop the soap in the prison showers, cause if you do the bruthas will turn you in Miss Donna before you can say "hoax."

ROBERT DENIRO - Bye-Bye, you no account twice-impeached one term has been! Suck my giant salami, bitch.

ROSIE O'DONNELL - And speaking of Uranus. Well, Mr. Grab 'em By The Pussy. I just bet your former girlfriend Kellyanne Conway, that the bro's will have you squealing like a molested banshee, within 25 minutes of your arrival in prison.

IVANKA TRUMP - Hey Donald. I don't give a damn that you have cut me out of your fucking will. And let me just say here and now for everyone to see, that I hated the fact that at least 12 or 13 times a day you would sit me on your lap and you'd kiss me on the mouth. YUCK!!! I hated! hated! hated! the shit out of that. And you can keep your fucking money. Jared and I have lots and lots of OUR own money, so you can stick my share up your old, smelly orange ass!!!

ERIC TRUMP - Hey Ivanka, stop acting like a spoiled brat. And stop calling daddy ugly names. Did you forget that all of us siblings have his wonderful, white, entitled, DNA? And another thing, Don Jr., Tiffany, Barron, and me have already taken your share and divided it by four.

IVANKA TRUMP - FUCK YOU ERIC! You goofy-looking, puny tiny pee-peed little bitch!!!

DONALD TRUMP JR. - Hey sis. Having showered with Eric when we were growing up as well as on hunting trips to Africa, I can say that Eric's dick isn't that small. Yes, I will admit that it looks like a pretzel with big gobs of salt, but it's at least four inches long.

DIAMOND AND SILK - Hey sweet lips. Doncha worry none. Us two black sistas still luvs ya more dan we loves chitlin's and moon pies; not ta menshun grape soda. And when ya duzz goes offta preesun, remember dat boff of us will sends ya pix of us in our birthday suits ta cheer up your sweet ass, fa shizzle my nizzle.

MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE - Hey sugar balls. I will be sending you a nude photo of me so that, when you go to prison, you can use it to jack-off to. And remember my hooha belongs to you. Well, to be perfectly honest to you and five or six others. Kisses and hugs.Mmmmuuuuaaaah!

MELANIA TRUMP - Hey Donaldo, I shust wants ju tu knows dat I hab had my N Bee A super star boyfriend spended dee night wiff me at our luxurious apartment in Trump Tower, seberal times. I tells dat tu ju shust in case sum nosy ass beach or basturd menshuns eat tu ju. Not dat ju geeve a flying fooking damn! So Hab fun in presun and say hi tu dee Black Libes Matter bros. [GIGGLE-GIGGLE]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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