Gorillas in San Diego with covid NOT planning to attend inaugural next Wednesday

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 12 January 2021

image for Gorillas in San Diego with covid NOT planning to attend inaugural next Wednesday
Albert viewed earlier: "Tell you what. Put on your mask I'll give you back your queen"

According to CBS and other news media, several gorillas in the San Diego Zoo have recently tested positive for Covid-19.

The following taken directly from notes by a CNN observer.

Their spokesperson, Albert, has said: "What with all the news hysteria out of the capitol--no, we won't go."

Currently, Californians are restricted to 120 miles from home anyway, and a vaccine for gorillas is not yet ready, according to Moderna and Pfizer.

Their current vaccines will work against any mutant strains, however, which they somehow managed to anticipate and work into their serum.

"Tell you what," Albert added. "I shook hands with a keeper who was tested as asymptomatic, and his glove came off in my hand. That's where we got it."

"You spent too long picking that glove to pieces," said another of the gorillas.

"Yeah, but I don't know about that test. He had no symptoms, they say. Are we that weak?"

"Yes," said another.

"All this captivity around humans," from yet another.

"And look how weak they are! Sniffles and they have an epidemic!"

"Okay" (from Albert again), "now that we've made it into the news along with Brother Donald and Sister Nancy, I figure we just sit back and heal."

"No big," one of them said.

"And if Governor Nuisance--did I say Nuisance? I meant Newsom!--stops by, hell, I'll give him a hug as well as a handshake."

"No, he won't. The 120-mile limit, you know. If that applies to him, that is."

"Well, then, I'll blow him a kiss."

"You hear that siren, Albert? You just brought Twitter Zoo News down on us! Accounts suspended! Watch your mouth!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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