UK Government To Introduce New Coronavirus Restriction - Tier 5: Stay In Bed

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 7 January 2021

image for UK Government To Introduce New Coronavirus Restriction - Tier 5: Stay In Bed
A good 4-poster with drapes will provide more protection

The beleaguered UK government, already under severe pressure and in a tailspin over the increase in the number of positive cases of COVID-19, are set to introduce a further level of restriction, in an effort to get the virus under control.

Having already introduced a 3-tier system, and then added to it a 'Very High Alert' Tier 4, which compelled people to 'Stay at Home', Matt Hancock today announced the latest idea:

'Tier 5: Stay in Bed'

He said:

"Desperate situations call for desperate measures. We realise the imposition we are putting people under, but just staying indoors won't suffice. We feel that staying in bed will be the only way to arrest the virus in its tracks."

Ministers, acting on the advice of scientists who don't appear to have a clue about what they are doing, have zig-zagged and backtracked through the nine months of the crisis, changing their minds as often as their socks, and generally making things as confused as they could possibly become.

They have also succeeded, through their strange decisions on who is an essential worker and who is not, of forcing many into poverty, and, with a mass of misinformation and questionable statistics, have driven a wedge between millions who, through their understandable fear, believe they are in peril, and those who wouldn't trust politicians as far as they could throw one.

Said Hancock:

"We have plans for some more tiers up ahead, but, for now, just stay in bed. And under the duvet, if possible."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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