LIVERPOOL, England - (Satire News) - The legendary heroic rogue Robin Hood and his Merrie Men (including the sexy-as-hell) Maid Marion have hit the front pages of historical publications. London's The Blimey Blooming Blithering Spectator Revue has…
LONDON – (UK Satire) – In what London law enforcement authorities are calling one of the most brazen art heists in recent history, a group of six thieves, dressed as Buckingham Palace guards, have made off with 19 extremely expensive paintings. Th…
DETROIT – (Satire News) – The new “Smash & Grab” sickness is really getting out of hand. Reporter Papaya Bamboo with Tabloid Today was the first to report that originally the “Smash & Grab” jerks and jerkettes were hitting high-dollar sto…
TARZANA, Cailfornia – (Satire News) – The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo was the victim of a flash mob’s smash and grab attack. According to security video, the incident occurred at 3:05 am, when most of the petting zoo animals were sound asleep.
HOT SPRINGS, Arkansas – (Satire News) – The Hot Springs Police Department reports that a tall, slender individual, who looked a lot like Matt Gaetz, but not anywhere near as fat, or as ridiculously overweight, drove up to a McDonalds drive-thru and h…
DETROIT – (Satire News) – The latest thing in security systems is the Autonomous Security Robot. Dow Chemical has produced the SR-907 Humdinger Extraordinaire and it is changing the way companies view security. The conical Chubby Wubby, as it h…
A London man was given two consecutive life sentences at The Old Bailey yesterday after being found guilty of shouting loudly at a burglar who had broken into his home in the early hours of the morning in March 2021. Toby Dell, a retired forklift…
The rumbling and grumbling is apparent on urban streets across the country, and probably the world. Those living outside the law are feeling shortchanged and pushed aside as a result of the COVID-19 crisis that has dominated the news over the past 16…
I'd had an allotment in Islington for a few years, and other allotment owners had warned me about security, saying that theft was a problem. I didn't believe it, at first. I mean, who wants to steal small amounts of home-grown fruit and vegetables…
In a triumph for justice, a 56-year-old theft was finally solved today, and the perpetrator brought to book. Eddie Gleeson, 97, of Middlesbrough, was arrested after a successful police sting outside the city's central library yesterday. Criminal…
The Metropolitan Police have acknowledged a massive breakdown in security this morning, as details have emerged of a robbery at the Prime Minister's London residence. Red-faced Chief Inspector Mike Rimminal told us, "The intruder appears to have m…
In order to try to kickstart the economy after the impact of Covid-19, Liverpool City Council have been brainstorming ideas which will start to earn money for the beleaguered city. One possibility which has already met with approval is a £75 tour…
The war on the trade in illegally harvested orgasms is becoming more intense as the 3-year waiting list for NHS orgasm transfusion is leaving patients desperate and gagging. “Orgasm harvesting is intrusive, debilitating and messy,” said Brenda O’…
A woman was left in disbelief after she woke up to find her garden lawn had disappeared. Mrs. Gladys Hairdye, from Fazakerly, said, "My lad went into the garden this morning, and he said: 'What's happened to the turf?'" An entire lawn's-worth o…
Two masked anti-heroes marched into a sweet shop yesterday, dressed as Batman and Robin, and threatened the owner, a 75-year-old female pensioner dressed as Catwoman, with a plastic knife, if she didn't hand over all the bubble gum in the shop! Lu…
FARGO, North Dakota – An unemployed pharmacist was arrested, earlier today, after he tried to break into a First Pioneer Bank ATM machine using a hand grenade. Dr. Abner P. Hogwood, who received second-degree injuries, was asked by police why in t…
A notorious Carlisle steak thief has finally being apprehended after police used “baited meat” to lure him into a Londis in rural Cumbria. Thief, David Pattison, who looks like the back of a spoon had a baby with the Goblin King from Labyrinth, was...
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