Trump promises to perform a backflip if he wins election

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Saturday, 17 October 2020

image for Trump promises to perform a backflip if he wins election
A fractured capillamentum, or wig bone, can lead to bone spurs

In a rambling speech in Florida today, Donald Trump promised to perform a backflip if he wins the US election next month. His supporters cheered him on, causing the US president to babble on about the manoeuvre for almost an hour.

"I could do it right now if I wanted to. Wouldn't that be something?" he said, coughing. "I really could."

After some minutes discussing how he could do the move, he turned his attention to opponent Joe Biden. "I'd be willing to bet Sleepy Joe couldn't do a backflip. No way! He couldn't do one."

Trump insisted that he would do a backflip, but added the condition that it would only happen if he won the election.

"I'll do it at my second inauguration. I'll do a backflip right in front of Hillary and Obama. They won't believe what they're seeing!"

The comments were thought by some commentators to be a last-minute attempt to attract voters who enjoy pranks and silliness - the kind who helped him win in 2016. However, polls show he is unlikely to impress them this time round, and that it may just be Trump's dementia causing him to talk such utter horse-shit.

Doctor Geoff O'Scopy examined Trump in 2011, and said that it was obvious to anyone that there was no way the president would be able to perform such an athletic move at his age. "He can barely walk, never mind do a backflip. If he even tried it, he'd fall and break his wig."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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