Mike Pence: Don’t Call Me Fly Face

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 9 October 2020

image for Mike Pence: Don’t Call Me Fly Face
Don’t Call Me Fly Face

BILLINGSGATE POST: During the Harris - Pence debate Wednesday night, everyone saw a fly land on Vice-President Mike Pence’s head. As much as that fly loved Pence, he is not the original Fly Face. There is but one Fly Face.

The original Fly Face was a Chester Gould, Dick Tracy comic strip creation. His real name was Felixweather Limpp, a renegade lawyer and a member of Fifth’s gang. Fly Face was an overweight 42-year-old man with a shock of white hair and a grimaced expression on his face. His mug and clothes were slovenly, and flies were constantly flying about his face, which they used for a landing strip.

Fly Face quit school at the end of his freshman year and his life changed when he met Fifth; as in Fifth Amendment. It was Fly Face who taught William Millyon, aka “Willie the Fifth” to say “I refuse to answer……” and Fifth, thinking it was a brilliant legal ploy, made Fly Face his attorney. Fifth wouldn’t take a dump without Fly Face’s approving nod.

Olive objected to Fly Face’s odor and dirty clothes. She was an accomplice to Willie the Fifth. Fly Face was even filthier than Filthy Flora, the owner of the Dripping Dagger Saloon. Much to Fly Face’s dismay, Olive kept spraying bug spray at the flies buzzing around his head.

When Dick Tracy and the police raided Fifth’s hideout, Fly Face and Olive surrendered immediately, but Fifth took a little longer. Always the student, Fly Face demanded to have his law books given to him to read. Fly Face then set fire to the pages of his law books and, because the pages were soaked with a certain chemical, the flames gave off traces of nitric oxide. Very noxious, the fumes killed two guards. However, Fly Face and Fifth had stuffed cigarette filters up their nostrils and feigned unconsciousness. When they saw their chance, they disguised themselves as firemen, and escaped from the county jail.

Fly Face hated it when someone called him Fly Face. He was, after all, a very sensitive man. He was polite to a fault.

“Would you, please, not call me Fly Face.”

Slim: “Why would anyone object to being called Fly Face? I don’t get it.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. As long as they don’t land, who gives a rat’s ass.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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