Jared Kushner Cancels Presidential Election

Written by K.C. Bell

Wednesday, 13 May 2020

image for Jared Kushner Cancels Presidential Election
"Lock him out! Lock him out! Lock him out!

Jared Kushner, married to Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, never elected to public office, and the right side of Donald Trump’s brain, announced that the November presidential election will have to be postponed due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Yeah, right!

Well, he did say, may have to be postponed, which in Trump’s White House speak, is a feeler, similar to the canary in the coal mine. If the canary goes belly up, that’s the end of the postponed election. That could happen if there were daily and nightly protests, with people marching in the streets holding rakes and brooms, banging pots and pans, shouting, “Dump Trump!” or “Be best, get out of the nest!” or “Lock him out! Lock him out!”

With organized protests, the election will then be held on November 3, 2020, as planned.

But, if no one complains, and there aren’t any marching protestors, and people remain indifferent, then Kushner’s wet dream will become a reality, and the election will be postponed indefinitely. The election will be vaguely promised 'sometime in the future', just like the promise of Donald Trump’s financial and tax records.

Another pickle in Trump’s future reelection is the possibility of mail-in election ballots.

Trump publicly announced, “I’ll never win reelection if the United States decides to use mail-in ballots.”

Very correct, left side of Trump's brain! How could Trump’s good pal, Vladimir Putin, aid Trump in switching computer voting tallies with mail-in ballots?

Caramba, that’s a pickle!

So, the people have to begin their noisy protests, get out their brooms and rakes, and pour some Clorox disinfectant on Jared Kushner’s wet dream before it becomes a reality, or the United States will be doomed with an extended stay of Donald Trump, squatting indefinitely in the White House.

“Lock him out! Lock him out! Lock him out!”

Read more by this author:

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more