After taking a lie detector test, which was both conclusive and inconclusive, he wasn't sure which, Donald Trump has confirmed he may be the author of the article published by the New York Times revealing resistance to his own tendency to do, say and Tweet really fucking stupid things.
Trump explained from the White House this afternoon. "I just did a training course in handling double negatives, but I may not have managed to not get the double negatives incorrect, even with Melanoma helping me cheat on the answers. I tried to remain amony... , I tried to remain anomyn... , I tried to shut the fuck up. But as President of the greatest country trying to become great again, very again, I may or may not have got my double negatives wrong again, and accidentally criticized my own policies. It's the same sort of problem I had with Putin, although that was caused by my foreign policy advisers briefing me with words with more than 4 letters, so I fired them, very, very quickly."
Mr Trump explained further, "I drafted the article to highlight all my own very, very great achievements since becoming President. When I was writing it, Melanoma reviewed the article using an online American-Slovenian dictionary. Slovenian language uses reverse Polish notation and she accidentally changed the article so it criticizes my policies, and I was too busy threatening every leader in the world to notice. Anyone who takes my article literally is guilty of spreading very, very fake news, a lot of treason, and generally being a very, very big pain in the ass."
Trump's press secretary, Faken Ewssucks, ended the conference at midday so the President could threaten even more people and countries with fake news claims.