Preparation H--As In "Hilary" Was Secret to Successful Benghazi Hearing

Funny story written by Amiko Aventurista

Saturday, 7 November 2015

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Thank God For Preparation H--As In Hilary

Amiko Aventurista, the world's leading journalist has done it again. In this exclusive interview with Hilary Clinton the former Secretary of State reveals what she did to prepare for the Congressional hearings regarding the events in Benghazi.

Aventurista: Madam Secretary thank you for granting me this exclusive interview. And of course bienvenida a Maunabo, Puerto Rico. I can't believe you agreed to meet me in Maunabo!

Clinton: Amiko, we've been friends for 30 years. Of course, this exclusive is yours. It's no trouble to travel to Maunabo. I love the people, they kinda look like Barrack, and the food, who can resist fried pork, pork roast, pork tamales, pork grinds, and just for variety, pork sausage.

Aventurista: You have given several interviews after the Congressional Benghazi hearings, but no interview has focused on what you did to prepare. I want to focus this interview on your preparation. Is that okay?

Clinton: Of course. No problem. Please call me Hilary.

Aventurista: Hilary, you testified to the Select Committee of the House Investigating Benghazi. How in the world does someone prepare to testify for 11 hours? Please take me through that.

Clinton: Amiko, everything in life comes down to preparation. Kobe Bryant is great because he prepares, So I prepared like mad. You might even say it was Preparation H, as in Hilary, that did the job.

Aventurista: I have got to know. Please be specific with my readers.

Clinton: Let's start with the obvious. I knew the inquisition would last for hours. I pondered how do I survive, better yet, thrive, under 11 hours of sitting? Buns of steel of course! So, I started a rigorous exercise regimen. I did squats day and night until my butt burned and my cheeks turned to steel. Touch them. Go ahead, Amiko, don't be shy, we are friends, touch them.

Aventurista: Wow! You are the Kim Kardasian of politics. They are like two silk granite boulders. Unbelievable, who knew that babe's got back! You may be the Secretary, but there is no secretary spread back there.

Clinton: Right. Rock hard, just like my foreign policy toward ISIL. Fortunately my pant suit hides these twins otherwise it would cause a big distraction.

Aventurista: Well, there's got to be more to it.

Clinton: There was also "pee-pee" training. I started by drinking one beer and holding it for three or four hours. Then, four beers for seven hours. By hearing date, I could drink a 12 pack and hold it for 24 hours.

Aventurista: Dam! What grit and stamina. Of course, being a woman helps-no prostate issues, if you know what I mean.

Clinton: Bill said the same thing. Men never want to give a woman credit.

Aventurista: You're right. Good job. Keep going, I want to hear more.

Clinton: I had Bill talk, talk, and talk. I would pretend to listen. This helped develop my "game face". I must confess Bill has still has go it. He talked non-stop for nearly 17 hours. Great training.

Aventurista: You are fortunate to have Bill at moments like this.

Clinton: Yes, having Bill around helps sometimes. He's been through questioning before, if you know what I mean.

Aventurista: What did you do to prepare for the actual issues?

Clinton: What issues?

Aventurista: The issue of Benghazi. You know, the four dead Americans.

Clinton: No need to. I was never asked about that.

Aventurista: What! The Committee never asked you about the actual attack on the American consulate in Benghazi? I can't believe it!

Clinton: No, of course not. Most members don't even know where Benghazi is. Some members think it's the name of a guy: Ben Ghanzi. The majority came because they heard there was a roast of Hilary and what self-respecting Republican can resist that!

Aventurista: That's amazing!

Clinton: No, that's Washington in an election year.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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