Cold War II Set To Hit Cinemas

Funny story written by jomothepure

Friday, 8 June 2007

image for Cold War II Set To Hit Cinemas
Bush and Putin at the Cannes film festival

Film buffs are chomping at the bit after it was announced this week that the US and Russia were in negotiations to start Cold War II, a sequel to the original blockbuster, Cold War. Wacky stand-up comedian George W Bush and versatile thespian Vladimir Putin, announced their plans in Germany this week, where they were staying as guests of the vaudeville actress Angela Merkel.

The original film was a romantic thriller directed by Joseph Stalin and adapted for film by Leonid Brezhnev. The plot, loosely based on Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, centred around two state leaders, Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev, who share a mutual attraction towards each other, but cannot declare their love owing to the bubbling feud that brews between their respective countries.

Cold War was hailed as a critical success by critics. It is widely accepted to have broken many of the previously existing film barriers within the film industry. The sets were lavish, the film ran for 40 years, and the budget was estimated at an incredible twenty trillion pounds, an amount only recently surpassed by Spiderman III.

The film also received wide critical acclaim for its acting. A number of the stars won awards, and Gorbachev's infamous 1991 line, "Russia and America will in the future be sincere friends and allies" made it onto an AFI list of the 100 funniest film quotes ever.

Timescale and budget for Cold War II are still unknown. However the plot, recently leaked to the public, is thought to revolve around George W Bush, a hapless US president, who sets off on a soul-searching road trip across Europe in order to place a missile defence shield in the Czech Republic. The film is thought to concentrate on the zany Bush, who unwittingly fires a nuclear weapon at Moscow whilst tying his shoe lace. This causes his love interest, Putin, to chase after him with a oil embargo and cache of Polonium-210.

The ex-comedian Michael Palin, now a successful Oligarch terrorising Russians in Crimea, expressed his delight that Cold War II was in the works. "Cold War really was an epic. It defined a generation, and in my opinion was bettered only by the David Bowie vehicle, Labyrinth.

"I think the makers of Cold War II are right to make the sequel in a lighter vain to the original. We all know of course George W's comedic potential, but Putin is underrated in such roles. The public remember him best for his gritty acting in the horror flick Chechnya, but some of his little-mentioned stand-up work with Tony Blair really is hilarious."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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