What do Bono, Bob Geldoff (haven’t heard from him since … well, since he didn’t like Mondays and tried to cure AIDS. Or was is it to save Ethiopia? How are they doing? Been a while since we heard anything. They still dying? Good work, Bob), and Billy Joel have in common … ?
Kind of a trick question. (Lemon.)
While summering in the south of France, Bono sang sweet lullabies to Ivanka Trump while Jared Kushner was feeling jealous ‘cuz he didn’t think he could ever get to bone a hot chick like that, but she was getting wet for Bono!
This sounds like a soap opera. (Lemon.)
It is. (Lemon.)
Every time the rich play, we the poor watch and chew fingernails and hope it all has a happy ending. (Can anything end happily if Jared or any kind of Trump is involved?)
I guess when you’re a celebrity (regardless of how you became one: singing, stealing, or being born with a certain surname), you all get to hang around and jump in the Jacuzzi and go to Jeff’s island and have bikinis float like butterflies all over your extra-large blue sunglasses. (Lemon.)
But it’s sad to be disappointed in a hero. You want someone to look up to, and then you find they sang to scum, or were on the flight manifest of a certain infamous airplane, then we, the little people, ask: but why? Why can’t you stay my hero forever? Why did you sell out, have money and power turn you into one of THEM! A hero finds him- or herself in court on charges unbecoming of a hero, or they get in a drunken car and speed through the neighborhood until they die, or they say something that makes Twitter explode, and like Cindy-Lou Who, you’re left asking: “Why? Why are you taking our Christmas tree, Santy Clause, why?”
Lemon.
It must be good to be rich and famous. If anyone tries to disparage your good name, you just hire a thousand lawyers to defend your crimes from the accusations of the unwashed masses. Then you got on vacation to a place where … (not yet) … the poor dare not go. (Lemon.)
Which is what Trump is desperate to do, except the unwashed have washed, and many are as famous as he is, so it’s a fair fight. (Lemon.)
Maybe Bono can sing a lullaby to Donny and his daughter as they walk into a jail cell, holding hands, in love forever … but only if it’s a “Beautiful Day” on a “Sunday Bloody Sunday” while walking “With or Without You” with “Pride (In the Name of Love”)” “Where the Streets Have No Name” (there it is!) … “Lemon”.
Bob still hates Mondays and Billy Joel has forgotten the lyrics to “Piano Man”, but Donny and Ivanka can sing it in prison before lights out.
(Paul David Hewson is a lemon. Has he cured Africa yet … or whatever he was doing while he was there? Lemon.)
