Secret of all Vampire Movies Revealed - Male Vampires Practice Oral Sex

Funny story written by UncleDale

Wednesday, 17 August 2022

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I vant to suck your...

There have been a lot of modern vampire movies where the vampire wines and dines the victim - (before dining on her) - then has sex with his Vamp sweetie. (An example is the Eddie Murphy vampire movie).

The trouble is these guys have 300, 400, 500 year-old cocks. Talk about erectile dysfunction!

It is not stated, but obvious, these guys are performing oral sex on the victim/girlfriends - and having practiced this type of sex for a couple Hundred years - are probably experts at inducing orgasms.

No wonder these women fall in love(or lust), with Mr. Vamp.

And the movies hint that just by biting the other women for his daily calories - the Vampire causes some kind of orgasmic pleasure in them.

Also, note - in these movies - there are no gay vampires. The Vampires are all male and straight and don't go around biting juicy young male kids, or young male teens and turning them into vampires. No Pedophilia allowed.

These are strictly straight, male, bodice - ripping, Romantic Vampires.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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