MAR-A-LAGO - (Satire News) - The word from employees inside the Trumptard's Mar-a-Lago compound is that Mrs. Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump is one upset, bitter, frustrated Slovenia woman.
One employee, who reportedly has worked for the Trumps for four years, said that it is a well-known fact, among the service staff, that Donaldo has not touched Melania's body in 14 months.
It appears that Barron's mommy cannot stand the sight of a naked Trump with his triple-sized beer belly, his thunderous thighs, and his little toddler fingers; not to mention his little toddler pee-pee.
When Trump was told about what Melania had said, he took a bite out of his Big Mac and replied, "Look, my fingers might be small, but they're not little toddler fingers."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Oh yes they are. They are DEFINITELY little toddler fingers.]