PANAMA CITY, Florida - (Satire News) - Trump was recently in Panama City getting an estimate on some botox work to his forehead, his belly, and his fat-as-shit ass.
While there he spoke with one of his old Trump University professors. The professor (Shontell VonBro), informed him that he won the election by at least 72 million votes, but nobody; except for him, Maria Bartiromo, and the two black ass-kissers Diamond and Silk believe him.
The professor informed Trump that he knows for a fact that a total of 13,951 Confederate Civil War veterans did in fact vote for him.
Trump, slapped his knee, took a sip of his Vodka Margarita, and said that he knew it.
He then added that he is going to call up his number one ass-kisser Fox News bitch Tucker Carlson and let him know.
[PUBLISHER'S NOTE: Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump is so stupid, he forgot that he carried Florida.]