WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - President Trump's favorite child, Ivanka, has just testified before The Senate Condemnatory Hearing on The Evil Terrorist Assault of Jan. 6.
The sexy, statuesque blonde vividly recalls seeing her daddy and Rudy Giuliani in the Oval Office on Jan. 5, 2021, giggling and taking tequila shots as they talked in an extremely vulgar manner about Marjorie Taylor Greene's store-bought tits and her ever-expanding ass.
Ivanka revealed that neither her father nor the "Swamp Creature," as she and Jared (Kushner) refer to Giuliani saw her.
She told the investigating committee that she was wearing a Led Zeppelin T-shirt, pink sandals, and a pair of tight-fitting Daisy Duke short shorts.
When asked by Wyoming Sen. Liz Cheney, if she thinks that her dad was wrong in telling VP Mike Pence to agree to say that he (the Trumptard) really won the election, Ivanka blushed, took a sip of her mango Margarita, and said that, her daddy is going to be one mad as hell fella, but she has to say that her daddy was 107% wrong.
She then added that even if her daddy cuts her out of the will, she doesn't give a shit, because her and her Jar-Jar (her hubby) have lots and lots of money.