How To Resurrect Daniel Craig As James Bond And Judi Dench As M

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Monday, 3 January 2022

image for How To Resurrect Daniel Craig As James Bond And Judi Dench As M
"They say I was saved by Bond. James Bond."

Easy. The new film is an old James Bond case, protected under the Official Secrets Act and supervised by Judi Dench as M before Javier Barden killed her in the Skyfall film.

Everything works on celluloid.

Pay film director Ridley Scott loads of money, and like an alchemist, he'll make it work with ease, style, and credibility.

The story? Okay. Prince Charles is kidnapped. Daniel Craig must rescue him. Charles is on the mysterious island of Zankaia, located in the Balkans.

Since it's a secret mission, the RAF can't be sent. Okay? Ralph Fiennes tells Judi Dench it must remain part of the Official Secrets Act. No one can know Prince Charles has been kidnapped.

James Bond meets Balkan secret agent Natalia Borenchenkovich (a dead ringer for Melania Trump). She works as a bartender in the same bar where Prince Charles has afternoon tea.

She easily flips sides after a night of super-duper sex with Bond (the guy is just a gymnast). Borenchenkovich leads Bond to where Prince Charles is held and guarded by 36 gun-toting, knife-throwing, mean-looking henchmen.

With his skills and love of country, Bond overcomes the 36 gun-toting, knife-throwing, mean-looking henchmen. With a voice-over, Dench can recite the same Tennison poem used in Skyfall, as Bond fights to rescue the Prince of Wales.

Of course, Natalia Borenchenkovich has to die. If Bond has sex with a dame, it means she is doomed. Bond is like the typhoid Annie of sex. One night with Bond and count on her tragic death.

In the final scene, Prince Charles is safely painting at Buckingham Palace.

Cut to titles, loud and noisy music.

Daniel Craig's Bond and Judi Dench's M are resurrected, alive, healthy and prepared to film again.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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