HOLLYWOOD – (Satire News) – LaLaLand Daily reports that the host of “The View” has just been signed to star in a movie about the American Civil War.
Whoopi Goldberg, who probably hates Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump even more than Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, and Robert DeNiro combined, says she is as excited as a monkey in a Chiquita banana factory, to portray the famous Quaker Oats woman.
The 66-year-old TV talk show host, actress, singer, and ballerina, revealed that ever since she was a little girl growing up in Sweden, she dreamed of one day playing Aunt Jemina in a Civil War motion picture.
Goldberg told LaLaLand Daily reporter Macadamia Honeysuckle that she has studied Aunt Jemina’s likeness on countless Quaker Oats boxes, including her braids.
Whoopi told Miss Honeysuckle that she has all of Jemina’s mannerisms down including the way she pronounces Civil War words such as plantation, Mint Julep, cotton balls, hillbilly, cornbread, moonshine, and photosynthesis.
SIDENOTE: Goldberg said that she plans on donating a portion of her $4.3 million salary to The Descendants of Cottonfield Slaves.
