DETROIT – (Satire News) - The American Surgical Institute, recently held its semi-annual conference at The Carburetor Coliseum in Detroit.
The ASI has issued a medical notice which states that due to the down trending economy and the nation's high unemployment rate they are noticing a tremendous increase in all types of do-it-yourself surgical operations including those for vasectomies, breast augmentations, and tubal ligations.
Dr. Anthony Fauci, who is director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, says that this trend is becoming extremely dangerous.
He sited an incident up in Green Bay, where a 63-year-old Scandinavian woman tried to perform a hysterectomy on herself, and ended up accidentally removing 95% of her pudenda; including her labia minora, labia majora, one of her ovaries, and half of her belly button.
Dr. Fauci then mentioned another operational incident where a brother tried to transplant a monkey’s tonsils into his sister's throat.
But sad to say the brother (who has been known to dabble in recreational drugs) some how got disoriented during the surgical procedure, and he ended up sewing the tonsils onto his sisters anal cavity; which caused the sister to beat the ever living shit (no pun intended) out of her brother.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: I strongly recommend that anyone who needs surgery to let professionally trained doctors perform it. Yes it may be a bit expensive, but at least you won’t end up with a penis transplanted onto your throat.]
