CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The International Research Institute based in Chicago, after years of research studies, has finally determined that eating Brazil Nuts will not cause a male’s gonads (balls) to atrophy (shrink).
Dr. Jonas Pigginvelli, 83, who led the study on the nuts grown in Brazil, said that there is positively and absolutely no correlation between eating Brazil Nuts and having your onions shrink in size.
He noted however, that the jury is still out on Pistachios, Filberts, and Bibbaliks.
Dr. Pigginvelli stated that his organization received a very nice check from the Brazil Nut Industry of Brazil.
When asked by a member of the Ipso Facto News Agency what the amount of the check was, he readily replied that the very generous check was for $4.3 million.
SIDENOTE: Nut pundits expect this announcement to increase Brazil Nut sales in the United States by at least 725%.