DETROIT – (Satire News) - The American Surgical Institute, recently held its semi-annual conference at The Carburetor Coliseum in Detroit. The ASI has issued a medical notice which states that due to the down trending economy and the nation's hi…
A local DIY enthusiast has told The East London Gazette that he converted the bath in his upstairs bathroom into a spacious, walk-in shower - while his wife remained in the tub. Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer from Dock Street, revealed: "The...
A man who decided he would 'knuckle down' and do some 'hard graft' on Saturday, spent all day digging a trench in his back garden, only to have to fill it in again when his wife arrived home and told him it was in the wrong place. Moys Kenwood, 56...
Here we are again with the latest in our How To Make One series, and this time it's something extremely useful, and also muchly cheap! If you've ever needed something to keep the door ajar on hot summer days, you're in luck, because my latest idea...
Gift Ipod cover for child's IPod Fold a sheet of ruled writing paper around an IPod. Crease the folds and carefully cut out a window for the screen. Now here's the clever bit: Stick Scotch Tape or Sellotape first across one side of the window and then turn the paper over and do the same. Now fold the paper to the shape of the IPod and Sellotape together allowing an open section to slip...
For the fifth year in a row, the UK is suffering from a plaster shortage. This is rendering render difficult and plastering over cracks impossible. "I blame those there DIY tele programmes," said Brad Grammar of B&G Plasterers in Bromwich. "Th...
To the uninitiated, the workshop can be an intimidating place, full of tools you may not know what to do with. To help, here's a helpful explanation of common tools and their uses, followed by some DIY tips: 1 Socket-Sets: A definitely much needed tool. You'll always lose the one you want to use, but the nearest width one can always b utilised to chew-up the bolts. 2 Drill Press: A ta...
In the national accident statistics, the humble screwdriver has come out tops of the most dangerous household tools wielded by inept morons. "You would have thought chainsaw, or power drill," said NAS Co-ordinator Nathan Tonal. "However, accidents...
Britain's most notorious female serial killer, Rose West, is reportedly about to publish a cookbook, according to a prison service source . West was sentenced to life in prison in 1995, having been convicted on ten counts of murder and various dodgy...
This is almost a real letter received at the DIY SOS team HQ. Dear DIY SOS, I hope you can help me. My name is Jane Hunt and I have a useless husband called Mike. I have a really simple job that desperately needs doing and I'm afraid that my man is not quite up to the task. Therefore I need your help. Almost a year ago I purchased a nice bedroom dresser from MFI during their closing down...
A misunderstanding between designer Julia Kendell and the Durham family in Milton Keynes has resulted in the show not being aired. The DIY SOS team were called in to do their usual redecoration special for the Durham family, after learning that th...
In a survey conducted exclusively for 'Toolshed Magazine' to find Britain's most popular DIY tool, the power drill emerged victorious for the tenth year running. It seems that the British are conducting a lasting love affair with power drills, mor...
A search party was despatched late last night for the TV celebrity Nick Knowles. The DIY SOS star has not been seen on television for over two days, prompting fans and TV execs alike, to assume something must be wrong. Ever present with his rou...
An Oxfordshire man has been classed as an idiot and a genius, all in one week. Barry Ireland, 37, had taken advice from a surveyor who had told him his roof needed re-tiling on his house in Bampton, Oxfordshire. After contacting several contrac...
The BBC has suffered as much as any other business over the past couple of years. Programmes such as Doctor Who have sucked up most of the budget, meaning that the BBC are looking for cheaper programmes to fill the schedules. "We've noticed that c...
Mystery surrounds Gordon Brown's early trip to B & Q this morning. Mr Brown left before 8am. returning with hammer, nails and a bundle of planks. Observers say that for the next hour banging and swearing was heard from inside the premises and...
MI5 have come under scrutiny today as it has emerged the secret service have been using the threat of making people complete DIY tasks as part of their interrogation process. The story came to light due to the claim of a yet undisclosed source rec...
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